Wednesday, December 31, 2008


I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! I just stopped by quickly to announce some big news...


JJ proposed on my birthday (which was Sunday) and it was a huge surprise. I had been hoping that he would propose while I was visiting my parents but I didn't think it would happen. I think I am still in shock a little because the fact that I am engaged hasn't really hit me yet. We have talked a little of a date but haven't made any decisions yet.

Tonight my mom is making a nice dinner and we are going to spend New Year's Eve at home with the family. I have never really been a huge fan of New Year's Eve so this is a perfect night in my opinion. I hope you all have a very safe and happy New Year's!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Christmas Eve Eve

So I have one more day of work before I get to go home to visit my family. My flight leaves at 9:20 AM from an airport that is 2 hours away. That means I will have to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to be able to get ready and get to the airport. AWESOME. Why do I keep doing that to myself?? At least I will be at my parents house at around noon.

We actually open all of our presents on Christmas Eve. We buy tons of meats like turkey, ham, salami, etc along with tons of cheeses. Then we get tomatoes and onions. We make the most AMAZING cold cut sandwiches ever. They are seriously awesome. While we eat our delicious sandwiches we watch A Christmas Story. After we are done eating, we start the fire and open all of our presents. We usually stay up really late playing with our presents and just being together. On Christmas day we eat the nice, large meal and go to church. I have no idea how this tradition started but I love it.

I got a lot of stuff done at work today so tomorrow is probably going to be pretty slow. Everyone in my department is getting so antsy and it is so funny. Every five minutes someone comes to my office to just sit and chat. I guess things don't really change that much from grade school. Oh and our CEO decided to let us all go at 3:00 tomorrow and charge for the whole day!!! He does that most of the time on the day before a holiday. We got out at 3:00 the day before Thanksgiving too. I seriously forget how amazing the company I work for is.

If I don't get a chance to blog again before Thursday, I hope everyone has a very happy holidays!!!!

Monday, December 15, 2008


My doctor said that even though my blood test results were in the "normal" range, something still isn't quite right. I took a glucose tolerance blood test a couple of weeks ago. Basically you fast for 12 hours, give blood, then drink this orange soda-like drink and fast another two hours. After that you give blood again. Most people will have a spike in their blood sugar after the orange drink. Mine didn't really spike. It went up but just a little. The doctor said I need to stay away from sugar (boooo, especially since Christmas and my birthday are next week!!!) and start eating a lot of protein. I am supposed to eat every 3 hours and it has been really tough. I used to be one of those people that lived to eat. I would look forward to meals. Just thinking about dinner would make me excited. Now I have to force myself to eat. I get nauseous a lot so my appetite is now non-existant. I have actually lost about 10 pounds (which I definately don't need to do. I look horrible.). I am supposed to keep a journal of all my symptoms and go back to see him in a month. So not much news there.

JJ leaves Wednesday to go to Oklahoma. I will be alone for a week and I'm not too excited. Luckily, the last time I went home with JJ he taught me to shoot so now I can actually use the gun we have for protection. We have a safe neighborhood, but I still get nervous. I am flying home on December 24 and then JJ will come up to Chicago on December 28 (my 24th birthday!). I am so looking forward to seeing my parents and sister. I haven't seen my sister since July and I miss her so much! My parents also have 3 dogs and I haven't seen them for a year. Our oldest dog is like 15 and has lots of health issues so this will probably be the last time I will see her. I practically grew up with this dog so it breaks my heart. I hate losing pets. It is the hardest thing!

I am pretty much done with my Christmas shopping. My parents are getting my sister an Iphone for Christmas so I bought her a $50 gift card so she can buy games and music for the Iphone. I got my dad a padfolio (that is what he wanted) and a really nice pen. I got my mom a gift certificate to Anthropologie, which is her favorite store. I would shop there more often if they weren't so dang expensive. One shirt costs like $80!

JJ and I are going to split a trip to Nashville in January for our Christmas present for each other. We are going to stay in a Bed and Breakfast and hang out in the city. I have never been to Nashville so I am really excited!

I just can't wait for the Christmas break!!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Southern Snow

I'm going to the doctor today to discuss what else could be wrong with me. I have a wierd mixture of hope and hopelessness. Deep down, I am so hopeful that there will be some other explanations but at the same time, I am terrified to get my hopes up again, in fear of being let down again.

JJ and I are going to one of the those drive through Christmas light displays tonight. I am so excited! I love looking at Christmas lights. I think we are going to let Little P come with us because she loves "bye-byes." We actually have a small chance of snow tonight so that will be so pretty!

It's so funny to see everyone panic here in Alabama at just the mention of snow. Everyone will rush to the grocery store to stock up on milk and bread. Seriously, who thinks that milk and bread are the best things to buy in an emergency situation? They are both things that don't exactly last very long. Why not stock up on water or canned foods? Or maybe just not freak out because does anyone really think they are going to get snowed in here in Alabama??? And if it does snow, everything will close. When I lived in Chicago, you could get 6 feet of snow and no one would even hesitate. Here, if we get a light dusting, everyone freaks out!! And don't even get me started on the how people drive in the snow...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I got my results today...everything looked normal. I understand that technically this is a good thing. However, I had such hope that I would figure out what was wrong with me so I could move on to managing everything. I now have to go back to the doctor on Thursday to see if he has any other ideas about what could be wrong with me. I feel so hopeless right now. What if they never figure out what is wrong with me? What if I have to spend the rest of my life being dizzy, nauseous and having diahrrea off and on? What about having headaches almost everyday? Or the increasing amount of migraines I am getting? What about the weight I am losing because I never want to eat? Or how my work is suffering because I can't concentrate?

Do I have to deal with this on Christmas and my birthday? Am I going to have to worry about this when I get married? When I have kids? I just don't know what to do.

I have become so depressed. I never go out anymore. After work I go home, shower and lay on the couch all night long. It is affecting my friendships, my job, my relationship with JJ...everything.

I know that I just need some time to vent and let out my frustrations and fear. Soon, I will gather my strength again and keep going. I will get through this. I will get through this. I can do this. I can.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Almost Dying...

As I am writing this, I feel like I could be dying. Ok that may be a tiny exaggeration but not by much. I have been having several wierd health issues lately (migraines, headaches every day, nausea, diahrrea (sorry), shakiness, dizziness and this weird fuzzy/out-of-it feeling all the time). I went to a couple of different doctors and they all said it was stress. I was starting to get really upset by that. I mean, I know I am not the calmest person in the world but I just don't feel like my life is all that stressful right now. At least not stressful enough to make me feel sick almost everyday. Besides my health, everything is really great! I was really starting to lose hope and was really having a hard time. I LOVE the holidays (especially since my birthday is right after Christmas!!) and I just felt like my health was making everything impossible to enjoy.

I went to a different doctor yesterday and finally someone listened to me! He says that there is no way that this is just stress and something is definately wrong. He decided that I need to get a blood test. He is worried about how I am processing sugar and he is also concerned about my thyroid. Theblood test requires me to fast for 12 hours. Ok fine. So I ate my last meal at 9:00 last night and didn't have anything to eat this morning. I headed to the test around 10:30 and I was so looking forward to getting it done so I could get a huge helping of pasta after I was done. When I got back in the little room, the lady told me that after she drew my blood I would have to drink this stuff and then wait 2 more hours to get retested before I could eat. NOOOOO!!!

I have been hungry before. I have gone a while without a meal before. But I have NEVER felt as horrible as I do today. I am shaking, sweating, dizzy, unbelievably tired and weak. I had to ask JJ to drive me to the second blood test because I am pretty sure I would drive off the road if I drove. I feel HORRIBLE. I really hope we can figure out what is wrong with me so I can get back to enjoying life.

45 minutes to go before I leave for my second blood test!

Friday, November 21, 2008

End of the Week!

I am so glad that it's Friday. I am completely exhausted today. It seems like throughout the week, I get more and more tired and then when Friday comes along I am totally pooped. I usually go to bed really early Friday night because I am so worn out from the week.

Me and JJ are going to workout after work and then order pizza for dinner!!! I am really excited about that. We usually eat really healthy (for example, last night we had burgers but with no bun or cheese. and corn. yum.) so having something like pizza is a huge treat/splurge. Plus, it will totally keep me motivated to workout knowing that I will be stuffing my face with lots of greasy, cheesy pizza later. We try to be pretty balanced. We both try to workout as much as we have time to and we eat healthy. However, we both love dessert and won't hesitate to chow down on some ice cream or cookies.

This weekend should be pretty fun too. JJ is done with his homework for this semester so he will finally get to relax a little. We are planning on going shopping on Saturday. JJ needs a new coat and I need to buy a dress for our upcoming Christmas party at work. We will probably go out to eat for an early dinner and then head home because JJ wants to watch football. He loves football but he is really flexible about watching games. There has been only one time that I can remember where he told me that a certain game was important to him and he needed to watch it. Other than that if he misses a game, it isn't a big deal to him. He is just awesome like that. :)

On Sunday we are going to meet some of my family for a birthday lunch. My uncle's birthday was this week and we are going to go to this Indian restaurant for lunch. I LOVE Indian food. I had never tried it until about a year ago and I totally love it. If you haven't tried it, I definitely recommend it!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Holidays, Already?

I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is next week. How did I get so behind? I remember when I was in school I would be counting down the days until Thanksgiving or Christmas. Now it seems like it is creeping up on me and is getting ready to pounce. Ah! I'm not ready!

This year JJ and I are going to be with his family for Thanksgiving. We will fly out on Thanksgiving Day, early in the morning. We will fly back home on December 1. I am a little nervous to go home with JJ, but not too bad (yet!). I have already met his parents and two siblings. The one brother I have not met has become friends with me over text messages (don't ask me how that started because I really don't remember) so I feel like I know him the most. I am a little nervous about meeting the rest of JJ's HUGE family. JJ's family has monthly get-togethers where they celebrate all the birthdays and anniversaries of that month. JJ has told me that there will be like 50 people in a little house. I don't have a large family and this concept is so unfamiliar to me. I tend to get anxious in social situations where I don't know many people so I am a little worried about how I am going to react to that many people in one space. Especially since no one has met me. JJ "reassures" me by saying that everyone is really cool and they will just make fun of me. Oh ok. Great. I feel so much better.

For Christmas, JJ will fly to his parent's house on December 19. I will fly to my parent's house on December 24 and stay until January 3. My birthday is December 28 and I will turn 24!!! JJ is going to fly to my parent's house on Dec 28 so he can spend some time with me and my family over the holidays and for my birthday. I am so excited for JJ to see my parent's house and Chicago (where my parents live). JJ has never seen a REAL city so I can't wait to take him into the city.

This will be the first year that we are splitting holidays and it is a little wierd to me. My parents are having some pretty severe maritial problems and JJ knows about all of that. It's so different to have someone else with you that knows all of your families problems. I know that is pretty normal when you get married but it is just not something I am used to. It is really nice, in a way, to have a best friend along with you to help you deal with hard times. But it is also something I have to get used to.

What are you guys doing for the holidays? Staying at home? Traveling?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Cabin in the Woods

Last weekend was wonderful.

We didn't really plan anything before we headed off to the mountains. We grabbed some dinner on the way on Friday and arrived at our little cabin around 9 or 10 (I wasn't really paying attention to the time). It was the cutest cabin I have ever seen! It was so clean and there were little directions taped on the walls explaining how to use the hot tub, fireplace, dvd player, etc. We unpacked a little, watched some tv and went to bed. It had been a long day and we were both tired.

Saturday we woke up and I immediately went onto the back porch. Since it had been dark when we arrived, I had not been able to see the view. It was amazing! The leaves were absolutely gorgeous!! We headed out to breakfast and ate at this little pancake place (there were a million of them in the little town). We then walked around the main street area where all the shops were. I was amazed at how casual it was. The area is known as a great honeymoon town but everything was so casual! There weren't any dressy restaurants or anything like that. Everyone was wearing their favorite sports team hoodies and some people were even in sweat pants! There were tons of little touristy shops that we just stopped in and strolled through. It was fun but we got tired of the crowds and people pretty quickly. We went back to our cabin and took a nap. I also spent some time on the porch just staring at the amazing view. Saturday night we searched for a nice steakhouse. We wanted a quiet, dark, romantic place to eat and we just couldn't find one. All that was there were rib and BBQ places and of course everything was packed. We finally settled on this restaurant that ended up being just ok. The service was awful and the food was just so-so. It was the dressiest place we could find and still people were walking around in sweats. I was also whistled at as I was walking to the bathroom. Classy. We headed back to the cabin. We started a fire and sipped wine while cuddling on the couch. It was so romantic! However, after one glass of wine, we both fell fast asleep on the couch. Yeah, we are crazy party animals!!!

Sunday we woke up and got ready to leave. The traffic was awful and the only place we could find to eat breakfast that wasn't jammed was Waffle House. We then headed home.

Overall, I think it was a fun trip. If we ever go back, we will probably spend more time just hanging out in our cabin rather than battling the crowds to go into the city. The town just seemed so redneck (sorry if that offends anyone). We were looking for more of a romantic getaway and we just didn't really get that. I would also like to spend more time doing stuff outdoors like hiking and fishing. We just didn't have enough time this last weekend. It was very cool to see how even if we don't plan anything and the trip ends up not being what we had expected, me and JJ can have fun together. It seems like we can have fun together no matter what we are doing. I love that. :)

Friday, November 7, 2008


Monday was mine and JJ's one year anniversary! I cannot believe it has been an entire year! We have actually been living together for 6 months of that one year which has been a challenging but positive step in our relationship.

I had already told JJ that we didn't need to do anything special on Monday because we are going to celebrate our anniversary this weekend. Monday after work, JJ stayed late to work out and I went home. I had just gotten in the shower when Little P started barking her head off. She normally never barks so it was definately out of the ordinary. I was a little scared because I watch a LOT of crime shows and the victims are so often young females at home alone. The first thing that ran through my mind is that if someone was in the house, I would definately be raped because I was already naked (yeah I know I am a little wierd). I heard pounding on my front door and then my phone ringing. I answered my phone and JJ said "Open the door!" He said the garage door wasn't opening.

It turns out he was trying to surprise me at the front door with roses. I answered the door dripping wet in my towel and shaking because I had been so scared. I think he felt pretty bad. I just laughed. I mean, he bought me flowers!! How sweet is that??

Today, we are leaving work early (there is nothing better than getting off early on Friday!) and heading to the mountains. We rented a little cabin up in the mountains of Tennessee to spend the weekend. There will be a hot tub and rocking chairs on the porch overlooking the beautiful mountain. The leaves are going to be changing too so it should be so pretty! I can't wait to have some time away to spend with JJ. We have both been so busy lately and we really need this.

I hope everyone else has a great weekend! Does anyone have any special plans?

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Proud to be an American

Something has been really bothering me lately (besides the election results). I keep hearing people say "I am so proud to be an American." I understand that we just elected our first black president. Why does it take winning an election to be proud of your country??? I am ALWAYS proud to be an American!

It seems like some Democrats (SOME) are so unhappy with America unless everything is going their way. And even then, they are usually unhappy. Even Obama told a 7-year-old girl "America is, is no longer, uh, what it could be, what it, it once was,” Obama said. “And I say to myself, I don’t want that future for my children.” That really bothers me (besides the fact that he was telling a CHILD that).

Yes, America is not perfect. Yes, there are things that need to be improved. However, I love America. I love this country and I am proud to be an American. I will always tell you this, even when my candidate lost and I am upset. Even if the country is not going in a direction that is my ideal, I still love this country and am so proud to be an American. Period.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I posted a comment on Sensibly Sassy's blog and I think it best sums up how I feel today:

Congratulations all the Obama supporters! I have to admit, I am completely broken-hearted today. I took this loss so personally and cried so hard last night. It will be a hard day for me. I just really hope that Obama will deliver what he has been promising. If he does make this country better then that will make me so happy! I guess I will just have to see where the next 4 years takes us.

I still hold my head high (even though I do have tears in my eyes) as a strong, informed, outspoken and conservative Republican.

Congrats guys!!! :)

Monday, November 3, 2008


Please, everyone VOTE tomorrow! Don't think that your vote won't count. It will! Speak up! Stand up for what you believe in!

Unfortunately in Alabama, we don't have early voting. I will be standing in line for hours tomorrow but I don't care. This is the most important election in my lifetime (even though that really isn't that long) and I will do what it takes to make sure my voice is heard.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Freedom of Choice Act

I wanted to bring some attention to an act that Obama has said he will pass if he gets elected into office. He has stated he will pass this bill on his website. I just wanted everyone to realize what exactly this act will mean. Of course, the general idea is that women will be have the right to choose to have an abortion. Now, I am pro-life but this is not the part that bothers me.

There are two parts that really, really bother me about this bill. The first is that there will not be limitations on when a woman can have an abortion. This means that if a woman wants to have an abortion a week before the baby is due, she can. Partial birth abortion will be legal. If you guys are unaware of what exactly partial birth abortion mean, I urge you to look it up. I will not describe it here because it makes me sick.

The part that bothers me the most is that this bill will lift the ban on federally funding abortions. That means that my tax dollars may go toward abortions and I have no say in that at all. Even pro-choicers cannot argue that this is ok. To be pro-choice means that you believe that every woman has the right to choose for herself if abortion is an option. This also means that I can CHOOSE to not support abortion. How can taking my money to fund abortions that I very, very strongly disagree with fair or right? It is not.

I think this is an issue people need to understand. This goes way beyond pro-choice. Please do your research into this act and decide if you think this is a good idea.


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Boots and Hip-Hop

I bought the most amazing boots yesterday (in black). I have always wanted a pair of knee-high boots. However, I have freakishly tiny calves. I try to workout and gain more muscle in my calves but I just can't seem to do it. So I usually give up on finding boots that fit me after a day or two of searching. Yesterday, I went to DSW and thought I would try again, and I found some! I was so excited. They are amazing!

I also want to Maurices (awesome store!) and bought some black pants for work and two really cute sweaters. I love fall/winter shopping! It is so exciting.

In other news, me and JJ's one year anniversary is coming up next week. I can't believe we have been together for an entire year! We are planning on going to Gatlinburg and spending the weekend in little cabin in the mountains. I am so looking forward to a weekend of doing NOTHING!

Tonight I am taking a hip-hop dance class. It will be my second time and this time I have two friends coming along too. Last time I laughed the entire class because I (and every other girl in the class) looked absolutely ridiculous. The instructor is an amazing break dancer and I have no idea how he kept a straight face. I can't wait until tonight!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Emergency Room

Today I woke up with a wierd pain in my upper leg area (above the thigh but below the hip). It was annoying but not unbearable. I went to work and throughout the morning it kept getting worse and worse and it moved to my thigh. I started to get a little scared. My dad's best friend recently lost his 17-year-old son due to a blood clot and I couldn't get that out of my head.

I struggled to decide what to do. Stay at work and worry? Or go to the ER and make sure everything was ok? I decided to go to the ER. We got in pretty quickly and they ruled out a blood clot. They did some blood work and said everything looked ok. They decided it was just a muscle cramp. I was so embarrassed that I went to the ER for a dang muscle cramp that I started crying. I mean, now that I think about it, it was the best option for me. If I hadn't gone and it was a blood clot, I could have died. I guess a little embarrassment isn't that bad.

The doctor gave me pain meds (which I am not going to take. why is medicine always the answer?) and told me to rest. Too bad. Now I can't work out tonight. :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sixteen Candles

Backpacking Dad is having the coolest blog contest I have ever seen. Check it out to see what you have to do to win his sweet prize.

I would have to say I am closest to Sam Baker (if you don't know, she is a character in Sixteen Candles).

Growing up, I was never extremely popular. I wasn't extremely nerdy either for that matter. I had a great group of friends but always wistfully watched the popular girls and wondered what I had done wrong. How can girls my same age be so pretty, outgoing, funny and cool while I was way to tall, gangly, awkward and had a nose that was just way too large for my face? I tried to be like them but of course the more I did, the farther I got to from their group. It felt like I was a different species than them. I used to watch them during lunch and try to memorize everything they did. I would stare as they flipped their hair or flirted with the boys. I would try to remember what they wore and how they fixed their makeup. No matter how long I practiced I could never quite achieve the same results.

I, of course, always lusted after the popular guys. They were always older than me and usually had gorgeous girlfriends. They didn't know I existed. I was just the quiet, plain girl that sat in the front of the class. I had a large nose and was extremely self-conscious. I would go to dances (without a date of course) and watch these amazing guys dance with their friends and girlfriends. I would go home and cry because I just didn't understand how life could be so unfair. I did have a couple of guys ask me to a dance or two but they were always the nerdy, quiet guys that I was embarrassed to be seen with. I look back on this with shame but I was young and stupid (sometimes I still am).

One time, a guy asked me out and his name was Chris. I was definately not interested in Chris but I was so desperate to go on a date that I said yes. He wore a fake leather jacket and smelled funny. He took me to see a movie called Big Fat Liar. We were sophomores in high school and it was a G movie. It was a kid movie and I was bored out of my mind. He kept trying to be sweet and rub my arm but he kept rubbing in the same spot. After about 30 minutes I was getting ready to jump out of my seat. Have you ever had someone rub the same spot of skin for a while? It actually begins to HURT.

Anyway, I never spoke to the kid again. I was never interested and would never be interested. He was not cool enough for me. I was so stupid but I wanted to be with one of those popular guys! Even though I was not good enough for any of them, I still wanted to give it a shot. So I did.

His name was Jake (seriously, that was his name). He was a god. He was the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on. I really liked him. A LOT. He was a senior and waaaay out of my league. I still tried though. Turnabout dance was coming up and I decided to ask him to the dance. Was I going to just walk up to him and ask him? Oh noooo. I had to be creative about it. So I made him a card. Not just any ordinary card. I took a bunch of those little candy hearts with messages on them (you know, the ones you give out on Valentine's Day) and incorporated them into my card. I actually glued the hearts onto the card. So it had stuff like, "HOT STUFF, will you go to the dance with me?" where the HOT STUFF would be written on a candy heart. I actually gave it to him. I freakin gave it to him. That day at lunch I saw him showing all of his friends while they laughed their asses off. Yes. He was showing my lame ass card to all of the amazingly beautiful popular guys. I wanted to die.

He never answered me and we obviously never went to the dance together. I want to find the girls who were my friends at that time and ask them what they were thinking. How the hell could they let me do that????

I guess I could say that I am similar to Sam Baker except for the happy ending. I didn't get my popular boy. He didn't show up and sweep me off my feet. My life wasn't a movie, but who's is?

However, my boyfriend JJ is the greatest man alive. He was that popular guy in school and all the girls loved him. He played sports and was and still is gorgeous. I guess if you look at it that way, I did get my fairy tale, happy ending after all!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Taxes and Beer

JJ sent me this email yesterday that I thought was really cool. He got it from a coworker that got his masters degree at University of Georgia. One of his old professors sent it to him. It was so cool that I thought I should share it with you.

The Tax System - Explained With Beer

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20."Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 ( 25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 ( 22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

Isn't that a great explanation? I thought so.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Even though I support McCain, I am seriously getting tired of politics. I am so tired of hearing the same things. I was pretty fired up for the first presidential debate but by the time this last one came around I couldnt even stand to watch it. I sat down with JJ (who is still fired up and I love hearing his commentary during the debates. He is sooo against Obama and he is so dang smart. I love hearing him get pissed because Obama said something he disagrees with) and after about 5 minutes I left. I just couldnt do it. Everything they said just irritated me. Its all the same crap. I am better than you because blah, blah, blah.

Of course there are also all the empty promises. I mean how many times do the promises made during an election actually get carried through? How many presidents go through a term and leave with Americans thinking they did a good job? Every Democratic president will be hated by the Republicans and vice versa. I am tired of debating with people that have different opinions than me and having my character attacked. I have no problem with people having different opinions but I tend to hold my tounge because I dont like being attacked.

I hate politics.

Friday, October 3, 2008


I know a lot of bloggers that I follow regularly try not to mention politics because they don't want any fighting within their comments. I however am going to come right out and say it. I am a McCain/Palin supporter. I have many reasons for this and am completely open to debate. If anyone has a problem with this, comment and let me know. I would love to discuss with you.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I know some people that read my blogs are very strong Obama supporters. I have nothing against you and value your opinions.

I just had to get that out there.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


You guys want a free designer handbag? Check this out:

You just have to put your first name and email address in. Then you get to pick which bag you want. Give it a try!

Monday, August 18, 2008

New goal

I am so glad another Monday is almost over. I swear, every Monday is harder and harder to get through for some reason.

This weekend was pretty good. I met up with a friend and her boyfriend for brunch on Saturday. We went to this amazing place where I ate more than I have eaten in years. It was so good. I also bought some running shoes! Well, I bought a new pair. Finally. I have an old pair that I have been using to run and they were getting really worn out.

I have always wanted to be one of those people that can run for like 10 miles and really enjoy it. I know to get to that point, you have to practice and run a LOT. So I'm giving it a shot. I can probably run a mile or two before I get tired and need to stop. However, my next goal is to run a 5K. There is a cross country park about 15 min from my house that is perfect for training for a 5K. It is exactly 3 miles and is a loop with a 1 and 2 mile turn around. The only problem is that it is in the back of this park and it is through woods. The last time I wanted to go run, there was no one else on the path and I was too scared to do it. I am so scared of getting attacked while I am running. Where I used to live a woman was raped and murdered on a trail that I rollerbladed on a lot. It really scared me. I try to get JJ to go with me but he usually won't. So I guess I will be sticking with sidewalks until I can persuade JJ. Sometimes being a girl really sucks.

Does anyone have any tips on running alone?

Thursday, August 14, 2008


Lately I have been trying to decide whether to keep writing this blog. I started out doing it just to see what it was like. My old position did not keep me busy so I had PLENTY of time during the day to update my blog. However, now I barely have time to pee when I am at work. When I get off of work there is working out, making dinner, etc to take care of. I barely have time to relax in the evenings. Plus JJ is about to start school again and that means he will need more help around the house on the nights he is stuck doing homework for hours and hours.

I just don't really feel witty or interesting enough to have one of those blogs that people actually read for years. There are some days where I feel like getting stuff off my chest and that is when I usually blog. But then there are so many others where I don't feel like writing anything and then before I know it, it has been a month since I updated my blog. I guess I am still trying to decide.

I am doing much better now and things feel back to normal. There is no more crying over missing the parents or the vacation. Finally!

Work is going really great and we just hired someone to take my old job. She doesn't start for a few more weeks so I have time to prepare to train her. And soon I will get to move into my new office that has a window!! Yay!!

JJ and I have been doing pretty good. We are still fighting at times but I really think we learn from each argument we have and grow closer because of it. I think I am just a really hard person to live with. But don't tell him I told you that! One issue that has come up is that JJ expressed a desire to move back home at some point in the future. His entire (huge) family lives in this tiny town in Oklahoma. I am terrified. I have promised him that if and when that time comes, I will seriously consider it. I know he misses his family a LOT. He even cried one day because of how homesick he is. However, I have family here and I don't really want to leave all of them. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why does one of us get to be around family and friends and the other doesn't? It's such a hard subject to discuss because he isn't even sure it will happen or when it will.

I hope everyone is doing well and I am sorry for not commenting on anyone's blogs lately. I definately need to be better at that. Well, back to work!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Vacation, Part 1

Yeah, yeah. I know its been almost two weeks since I got back on vacation and so far I have posted once and it had no pictures. This whole working two jobs thing has kept me pretty busy. I am constantly rushing around and the only time I stop working is to pee. I have even been taking work home with me at night becasue I keep getting behind. However, the end is in sight because we are (finally!) about to hire someone to take over my old job. In the meantime, it is still crazy at work. I am enjoying my new raise though! :)

I am finally going to post some pics from my trip. I am not going to post anything that has my face or anyone in my family's face because...well I'm sure you understand. No one knows I have this blog yet and I would like to keep it that way. I know I would be pissed if someone started putting up pics of me without my knowledge.

This was when we went to the wild animal park in San Diego. We actually got to go into this enclosed area with birds. You could purchase nectar and the birds would land on you and drink it. The funniest thing was when this one bird landed on my dad and started licking his neck. I have no idea why it did that but by dad's face was priceless.

This was a condor that was at the same wild animal park. It looked kinda gross. A lot of the animals would come so close to you so I know that people have been feeding them. That makes me so mad.

We got to go on this tour where we actually got to go inside some of the exhibits. We were so close to the giraffes! We even got to feed them leaves! It was so cool. I wish I could show you the pictures of us feeding them. It was windy so we all look retarded. We are all laughing and our hair is flying all over the place. Well, not my sisters. Hers looked perfect and she had this perfect, casual smile on her face. Hate her.

This was our tour guide and he is showing us how to feed the giraffe. He told us to be really careful because we could not pet them. I guess if you do they can get really pissed and head butt you. The first guy that fed it petted it and I totally wanted him to get head butted. No such luck.

This was a baby giraffe trying to drink some water. Awwww!!!

This gorilla was totally cracking me up. He was fascinated by his feet. After playing with his feet for a while he was walking around eating leaves and playing with anything he could get his hands on. I think we watched him for like 30 minutes.

My sister took this picture and it is AWESOME. She slipped and ended up taking a picture of the inside of the jeep we were in. Just poking over the jeep is the ostrich that she was trying to take a picture of. He was just sitting there with its mouth open. I hate those dang birds. I am not sure why but ever since I have been a little girl I have been terrified by them. Maybe because they are mean as hell.

This is a type of rhino that is almost extinct. The park had 2 of the SEVEN that are left. 7 in the entire world!! Crazy.

I did not take this picture. My cousin did. And it is probably the BEST. PICTURE. EVER. I love meercats! I don't know if you can see it, but he is just staring at his penis. Every single guy in the vicinity was rushing over to take pictures. Nice.

That is all for now. These were only the pictures from the one day at the wild animal park and I have some others. I will get around to posting those hopefully this weekend. JJ has been wanting to hang these shelves in our garage for over a week now and we are really going to try to get it done this weekend. Things with JJ and I have been really great. I don't really know what has changed but we are not fighting at all anymore. For a while there, I was really starting to worry about our future but that has totally changed. I can honestly say we have a really healthy and fun relationship. Yay!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Im baaaacck!

Sadly, my vacation is over. It was absolutely AMAZING. I have spent the past two days trying to catch up at work, celebrating JJ's birthday and trying to pull myself out of the post vacation depression. So far, I think I made JJ's birthday pretty nice, I am almost caught up at work but I am still very depressed. I have always had a really hard time after holidays or vacations. Part of it is because I miss my family so much. I hate that they live so far away from me. Also, I needed the time off so badly and I had so much fun and I hate that it's over.

I have lots of pics to show you guys as soon as I get a chance the get them downloaded. Hopefully I will get a chance to go in detail about my trip and post the pics within the next couple of days. In the meantime, back to work!!

Friday, July 11, 2008


So I am leaving for California in approximately 4 hours!!! I am getting off work at 1:30 and am going to meet JJ at home. He is going to drive me to the airport which is about 2 hours away. My flight leaves at 5:55 and I land in L.A. at 8:00. I will then have 3 hours to kill until my family arrives. I have no idea what I am going to do for that long. I think I may just sit and people watch. I am pretty sure that will fill up the time.

Once my parents get there we will drive to our hotel in San Diego. I have figured it out and I probably will not get to sleep until around 2:oo am which is 4:00am my time. That means I will be awake for almost 24 hours. Wow. But hey, who cares? I will be in freakin California!!!

We are going to stay in San Diego until Thursday and then we will spend the rest of the week in Palm Springs. I am flying home on Sunday night and am going to take Monday off too. JJ's birthday is Tuesday the 22nd so we are going to go see Batman on Monday. It is going to be such an amazing week and a half.

Oh and I just got some great news!!! My boss just came into my office and told me that.....


I'm talking like a 27% raise. And she waited until the day of my trip to tell me. How freakin awesome is that?? My next paycheck (which will be this coming Thursday) will reflect my raise. I don't even know what to do with myself I am so happy right now. I can't even sit still.

I will probably blog once or twice while I am gone. Hopefully I will remember to bring my camera so I can take lots of pics to show yall. I will miss everyone!!!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The weekend

I survived the weekend!

JJ's parents were supposed to arrive around 10:00pm on Thursday night. I got off work on Thursday and we needed to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Then, I needed to clean the guest shower (so I could use it) and get my clothes and bathroom stuff out of the master bed/bathroom. We know that his parents are aware that we are sleeping in the same room, but we just didn't want it to be right in their face. And we didn't want to share a bed while they were there.

At around 8:00 we got a call saying that they were close to being there. I kinda freaked out a little at that point. I was so incredibly nervous! Then the doorbell rang and I thought I was going to pee my pants. They all came in and kinda stood in the doorway. JJ introduced me and then I told him to give them a tour of our place. It was pretty awkward at first and I felt really uncomfortable. Luckily, it was late by the time they got unpacked and settled so we watched tv for a bit and then went to bed.

On Friday, we all slept in and then got ready to go out to lunch. I have just met this girl (we will call her BFF) and she has quickly become a good friend. It is so nice to have a girlfriend to hang out with again! No offense to JJ but I just can't talk to him like I can with another girl. We met BFF and her boyfriend (who was visiting from St. Louis) for lunch. Luckily BFF is very outgoing and she pretty much controlled the conversation the whole time. JJ's family was pretty quiet but BFF managed to get them talking a little bit. After lunch we went home and layed around until dinner and then went to see fireworks.

On Saturday, JJ and I went and worked out and then went home to cook breakfast. We made a frittata and it turned out really good. Then we hung out around the house and then got ready to meet my grandparents for an early dinner and church. After church we went to see Wall-e which was so cute! One weird thing about that night though was that there was a group of people (probably in their early 20's) sitting right behind us. One of the girls kept going "AWWW" or "SO CUTE!" or would yell things out to the characters. The theater was filled with kids and I did not hear a peep out of any of them. I only heard that one wierdo. Even JJ looked at me at one point and whispered, "what is her problem?" No clue.

Sunday was a blast. We went to this cave that was about 30 minutes away. The drive was fun and walking through the cave was awesome. His dad was totally cracking me up. Picture this big guy with a beard, cowboy boots and cowboy hat running through the cave. That is what I experienced. He was RUNNING. So all I would hear behind me was CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP and I would turn around and he would be running down a hill towards us with this goofy grin on his face. I was dying. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Then we went to Dollar Tree and even that was fun. JJ's brother bought these magic cards and it took him forever to figure out how to do one trick. He kept messing it up and JJ's sister was making fun of him. Then he figured it out and his sister was totally amazed. We went to the grocery store and picked up some fish and ingredients to make a salad and went home. We cooked a great dinner and then just hung out. They left Monday morning while I was at work.

Overall, everything went very well. I think everyone liked me which is good. The only thing that bothered me a little was that they just didn't make a huge effort to get to know me. No one asked me about my job or family or where I went to school. They asked about my dog and on Sunday his mom asked if I had any siblings. This was so wierd to me. It would be one thing if this is just the way they were but when they met BFF they showed interest in her. So why not me? I tried bringing it up to JJ but he just got defensive so I dropped it. I really really liked them. I just wanted to see if they liked me. However, last night JJ told me that his mom said I seemed really nice and his dad kept asking about me. So I guess that's a good sign.

Now, only 2 more days until I leave for CALIFORNIA!!!!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

So nervous!!!

So this weekend something will happen that I have been dreading for a while. JJ's parents are going to come to visit. This will be the first time I will meet them. Now not only do I have the typical meeting-the-parents-for-the-first-time jitters but JJ's parents are very, very Catholic (technically I am too but that is a whole other story) and they are not too thrilled about us living together. JJ has told me stories about his mom and I am completely terrified that she already thinks I am a huge slut for shacking up with her son.

They are getting here tomorrow night (AHHH!!!) at about 10:00pm. So we will probably all meet and then head to bed. It will be his parents, brother and sister all in our little house. That should be interesting. We are still trying to figure out where everyone is going to sleep. I know I will be sleeping alone in the guest room and JJ's parents will be in our room. JJ will probably be sleeping on the couch (because God forbid we sleep TOGETHER!). I have no clue where his brother and sister will be sleeping.

Friday night we will probably do something to celebrate the Fourth. Saturday night we will go out to dinner and then go to church. That leaves Friday during the day, Saturday during the day and all day Sunday to figure out something to do. I will probably cook dinner on Sunday night and I think his family wants to go shopping so we can do that Friday and/or Saturday during the day. But what the heck are we going to do all day Sunday???

My mom has already called me to give me her little pep talk. She knows what I am going through because the first time she met my father's parents, she was 18 and already pregnant with me. So I guess it could be worse. I am just so scared they have already judged me. I have lots of Catholic friends/family and I know they can be so judgemental (this is nothing against the Catholics out there. Like I have already said, I am Catholic too). JJ's 18-year-old sister has been texting him about the sin of sex before marriage. I am sure we will hit it off.

When I am nervous I either stop talking completely or ramble until I say something really really stupid and embarrassing. JJ and I have both been so stressed from work and the move. It is a really huge adjustment moving in with someone. We have been fighting a lot (nothing major) and I just don't want his parents to sense that.

At least I am going to California next week. If I can just get through this weekend and next week at work, I will have 10 days in California to not answer my phone, check email or stress about work!!!

Wish me luck for this weekend!

Friday, June 27, 2008


The reason I have not been updating lately is because I am completely swamped at work. I am now working two jobs for the price of one. I have kept all the responsibilities of my old job (setting up interviews, educational assistance) and have now acquired all the new responsibilities (basically taking care of all the vision, dental, FMLA, COBRA, short-term disabilities, long-term disabilites for a company of over 1000 employees). On top of that, we are just finishing open enrollment so I have a ton of data entry to do. Also, one of our subsidiaries (about 60 employees) is closing and laying everyone off and guess who gets to send out all the COBRA stuff for them? Yep, me!

I recently sat down with my boss and I brought up the possibility of a raise since I had been promoted. She told me that right now she is looking at this as "a shifting of responsibilities" and not a promotion. My company does performance appraisals in October and she basically told me that this will come up then. I am a little worried though. I am working overtime this week and have been busting my ass to get everything done. If my boss makes up for this in October then that will be great. But what if she doesn't? I am going to feel so taken advantage of. I sort of feel like I need to trust her right now especially since I haven't even been here for a year. I guess the only thing I can do is stay hopeful that come October I will get a nice raise. Please, please, please, please...

Friday, June 13, 2008

Try it!!

I got this from Tragedy Strikes. It is really cool. Here are the directions:

Answer each of these questions and type your answer into Flickr Search.

Pick an image from the first page only.

Copy and paste the URL for the pic into fd's Mosaic Maker.

Here are the questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. Favorite drink?

7. Dream vacation?

8. Favorite dessert?

9. What you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. One Word to describe you.

12. Your flickr name.

Here is what mine turned out to look like:

1. Les Trois Becs 2. Chocolate Ice Cream 3. Mrs. Coretta Scott King, Civil Rights Area 4. Forest Green 5. Wade 6. Mojito 7. Positano 8. Special Brownies 9. To Be a Mother 10. Nature's Invention 11. Loyal 12. Les Trois Becs

I have no clue why I got Mrs. Coretta Scott King for my high school one. That has nothing to do with my high school (Antioch High). I love the mother pic and of course the Italy one. Everyone definately needs to give it a go!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Life is Good

I have a meeting in a few minutes (I don't know why but just saying "I have a meeting" makes me feel more grown up) but I wanted to give yall an update.

We have someone leaving HR for another job. She was in charge of benefits such as short term disability, long term disability, accidental death and dismemberment, FMLA and 401K. And guess what...I got her job!!! I am keeping some of the responsibilities I have now and then I am going to take over everything she is doing. We are going to hire someone else to take over the rest of what I was doing before. I still have to sit down with my boss and work out the specifics but I am really hoping to get a decent raise out of this.

I was so tired of being bored at work. I would come in to work each day, work for about an hour and then be all caught up. So I would be bored the entire rest of the day. It was completely killing me. Being bored at work is way more difficult than being busy. I was depressed and tired all of the time. I felt completely useless. Now all of that has changed! I am spending every day in meetings and getting trained. Everyone is so happy for me and I am so proud. Apparently there were about 3 people that recommended I take her responsiblities over. I actually feel like a member of HR instead of just a secretary.

Oh and I am also going to graduate school! I am going to go back and get my Master's in Social Work. That will help me in my new job as well as if I decide to ever leave my current job. I have always wanted to do something in either the psychology (which I have my BS degree in) or social work field so I am doing it! I am a little nervous to take on such a huge task but I am going to work my butt of and do this!

I have felt so stuck and hopeless for the past couple of months and now everything has turned around. I am happy and confident in my job, I love my new house, JJ and I are doing wonderful, I am in shape and healthy, I have a vacation coming up and I am going to start school again. Everything is falling into place. Finally!!!

Friday, June 6, 2008


I got a big promotion. Well sort of...

I will tell you more this weekend. Right now I have to train for a completely different job! Yay!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Drunk and Disorderly

Last night after eating dinner, both JJ and I really wanted some ice cream. We had a little in the fridge but not enough for both of us to have a bowl (because we both like to have BIG bowls of ice cream!). We decided to run to the grocery store that was about 3 miles away. I had already showered and was in my pajamas which consisted of running shorts and a t-shirt (and no bra). I slipped on some flip-flops and headed out. I figured with my redneck outfit, I would totally fit in.

We got to the store and we ran in and bought some ice cream (chocolate with brownies! Hell yeah!). When we got to the checkout line, there was one guy in front of us. I could not see what he was buying. At first I thought he was mentally retarded. He was talking funny and very loudly and sort of swaying. I asked JJ what was wrong with him and he said that the guy was drunk. I am really surprised I was not better at figuring that out. I mean, I had my share of good times in college. Not only was the guy drunk but he was buying more beer.

As we got closer I smelt him. BO and beer. Yum. He was talking to the checkout girl. He must have asked her how old she was because when I got close enough to hear she was saying, "No I'm in college." The checkout girl was a cute girl with blonde hair. She wasn't gorgeous by all means, but she was still somewhat pretty. She did have some acne on her chin. This is not something I would ever bring up but it will make sense why I did when I tell you what happened next.

He then said, "Oh I thought you were younger because of all that..." as he pointed to her acne. I could not believe it. Then he says, "You should try Proactive or something." My jaw dropped. The poor girl just mustered up a tiny smile and tried to finish him up so he would leave. It was so wierd because it seemed like he was trying to flirt. Um...just a hint buddy. Telling a girl that she should get Proactive is not a great pick up line. He then turned to JJ and I and started asking us questions. He asked us if we were married and how old we were. He then said, "Man I am 29 and I don't have a girlfriend." He then said a bunch of swear words about being single that I do not want to repeat. I just stood there giving him the dirtiest look I could muster.

The whole time I was trying to figure out what to do. Looking back on it now, I should have gotten someone to call a manager up front and let them take care of it. But the whole thing lasted only a minute or so and I was just so stunned. So we hurried up and bought our ice cream. When we got into our car we pulled up behind him so that we could write down his license plate number. I wanted to call the police and report him but I did not know the local police number. So I tried dialing 411. It just rang and rang so apparently they don't answer on Sunday evenings.

By the time we got a number for the police, we were driving down our road behind him (he happened to be going in the same direction we were). The whole time he was swerving on and off the road and into the other lane (it was a two lane road). I was totally freaking out. I was so sure I was going to watch this jackass kill someone else and I would always feel awful that I didn't do more to keep him off the street.

We finally got the police on the line and JJ explained what happened. The lady said "Thank you sir" and hung up without even asking for his license plate number. So basically they were going to do nothing. Thanks a lot guys.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Crazy Roomie

This weekend over dinner, JJ and I started talking about old roommates. It turns out that if there was an award for the world's worst roommate, I would totally win.

When I was 18 my mom told me that I needed to move out ASAP (we fought a LOT and it was really time for me to leave). I was discussing that situation with a coworker and another coworker (let's call her Ms. AD for Alcoholic Druggie)overheard us. Ms. AD mentioned that her and her friend (let's call her Ms. SF for Sex Fiend) had a condo and were looking for a third roommate. I barely knew Ms. AD and did not know anything about her partying habits. I had never met Ms. SF either (she actually turned out to be pretty cool but was a total nympho). I decided that I really just wanted to get out of my parents house, so how bad could it be?

As soon as I moved in the partying began. Ms. AD drank every single night. Then there were the parties that I did not know about until I got home. One night after a long evening at work (I was a waitress), I came home to the place being filled with about 70 people. As soon as I walked in, the police arrived so I went right up to my room and tried to sleep. Ms. AD would also leave our front door unlocked a lot. We did not live in the best neighborhood and that was not a good idea.

Ms. AD would go out and get drunk, meet random men and bring them home. Then she would pass out leaving Ms. SF and I alone with them. I once woke up and got ready for work to find some strange man asleep on our couch. And I was ALONE in the house with him. One time at a party I overheard someone say, "Hey I'm gonna call ______ so he can bring us some coke!" I totally freaked out. I did NOT want cocaine in my house.

Ms. AD also had a pittbull puppy that she would beat. One time I was on the phone with my mother and she asked me, "What is that noise in the background?" I told her that it was Ms. AD beating her dog. She also would leave the puppy for hours alone in his crate. She once left to go to a club at 5 pm and left him in the crate until she got home the next day at about 10 am. Me and Ms. SF would try to help out but we were not always home to take care of him. We threatened to call animal control and she gave the puppy away. Thank God.

This was a time in my life where I was very, very poor. I went grocery shopping once a month and rationed everything. One month I splurged and bought a bag of BBQ chips. I was up in bed one night and I heard Ms. AD and her druken friends come home. I then heard them rip open my bag of chips and they start to eat them. How do I know they were my chips? Because I heard them say "Are these your chips Ms. AD?" and she answered, "No they are Becs chips, " followed by lots and lots of laughing. That was the last straw.

My parents and I called the landlord and asked to get ME out of the lease. I wanted out so badly. I just wanted to go back home to my parents. We told them what Ms. AD had been doing and they refused to let me out of the lease. Instead, they decided to evict her. That was when things got really bad.

Ms. AD decided I had backstabbed her and tried to get her evicted. She HATED me. She had lots of scary druggie friends and I was literally scared for my life. Ms. AD still worked with me so she started spreading lots of rumors about me. That was when many of my so-called friends turned against me. One day I noticed my $300 leather coat (a gift) was missing. I called Ms. AD and asked her if she had seen it. She said no. All of her stuff was boxed up since she was moving out. I went through all of them and found the coat.

Then one day I woke up to men's voices in our house. I also heard Ms. AD crying. I stayed in bed until everything got quiet. I opened my door and right there on the floor was a noose and a bible. The crazy bitch tried to HANG herself outside my door. She knew I had just lost a friend to suicide. Apparently she had called her ex-boyfriend and told him she was going to kill herself and he called the cops. They came and stopped her. I was told later that she threatened suicide a lot for attention. I hate people that do that.

After the whole thing was over and she moved out everyone was like, "I was so surprised when I found out you were living with her. She was so crazy and I didn't think you would like that." Wow. Thanks for the heads up guys.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

3-Day Weekend

It is so nice to have JJ back! I love not having to be alone in the house all the time. He got back on Monday and we have been pretty busy since then. He LOVED what I did with the house and seemed really grateful that I worked that hard for him. I made him dinner (the tofu spaghetti) and it was AMAZING! It was really simple and cheap to make and JJ ate a ton of it.

We also bought some new furniture!!! We are still waiting on a bedroom set we bought to be delivered. Hopefully it will come next week. This week we bought a dining room table, coffee table, end tables and a really pretty rug for the living room. I really like everything but there is something a tad wierd about our dining room table. There are all these little spots that have scuff marks and then little holes all over the scuff mark. We thought it may have been just something wrong with it but when we asked about it, they said that is how their manufacture makes it look "rustic." Ok whatever.

Little P is still doing really great. She loves going on walks with JJ and I. I think JJ really loves having a dog around. Everytime I take her out to pee, JJ will follow and play fetch with her. They are both adorable.

So is anyone doing anything special for the 3-day weekend?

I am really looking forward to it. I seriously need a break due to all the stress I have had lately. On Saturday night we are going to a concert. Taylor Swift and some other pretty big country music stars are coming to our humble little town so JJ and I decided to go. It will be nice to get out and do something. The rest of the weekend I am not planning on doing much. I will probably go out and try to find some pants to wear to work since two pairs that I recently bought I can't wear anymore. Other than that I just want to relax. I just need some time to breathe and unwind since I have not been able to do that for the past month. I can't wait!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Lonely No More

JJ is coming home tonight!!!! Yay!!! Now I won't have to sleep alone anymore! And he is going to be so proud of how much work I got done this weekend.

Saturday I had to go into work for a couple of hours. Afterward, I ran on the treadmill for a while and went home. That day I got pretty much the entire downstairs done. I brought up the hundreds (or so it seemed) of boxes strown about and put them upstairs in the correct bedroom. Then I had to find my boxes of kitchen stuff and unload all of that. Holy crap do I have a lot of dishes. Our kitchen is packed full of plates, bowls and silverware. Unfortunately, there is no food. But plenty of dishes!!

I brought in my old coffee table and discovered it clashes horribly with our living room furniture and the floor. We have a really pretty dark wood floor and the table is this yellowy wood. It looks bad. So it looks like we will need a new coffee table too!

On Sunday I spent the entire day working on the bathrooms and the master bedroom. After taking care of all of that, I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, and cleaned all the floors (vacuumed and mopped). I also did about 5 loads of laundry. By Sunday night I was completely exhausted.

But it will all be worth it when JJ comes home tonight. I am going to make him some tofu spaghetti (I am a vegetarian and JJ is just really really healthy) and help him unpack. I really hope he likes the house!

Only 7 hours and 34 minutes left til he's home!!!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Little P

My baby, Little P is doing great! The vet gave her every test imaginable (blood, urine, etc) and he said that everything looked perfect. So after 3 days and $600, it looks like Little P is back to normal. She is eating and going to the bathroom just fine. I took her for a walk yesterday and she was so excited! It is so nice to see her tail wagging again.

On another note, JJ is out of town. I didn't really think I would have a hard time when he left because I thought it would be nice to have some alone time. I was wrong. I am missing him so badly. I dropped him off at the airport on Wednesday and somehow got myself to work at 7:00 am. I had a hard time focusing on anything that morning. I just tried to throw myself into my work and forget about everything. During the day at work I am usually ok. But the nighttime is so hard. I HATE sleeping without him and I HATE waking up alone. I used to do that all the time but now I am in the new house and it is just so lonely. The place is still a disaster because with Little P getting sick and me working I haven't had any time to do anything. At night I come home, feed Little P and take her for a walk, make dinner and then collapse on the couch.

My goal is to get a lot done this weekend. I have to work for a couple of hours on Saturday and I want to get back to my workout routine. The rest of the time I am doing lots and lots of unpacking and cleaning. I want to get as much as I can done for JJ. I know it will be hard for him to leave his family and come home to a house in disarray. My goal is to get the kitchen, living room, master bedroom and master bathroom done this weekend. I also want to get it cleaned up. I hope I can get it all done. I wanted to make JJ a really nice dinner when he comes home on Monday but I don't have any money to buy any ingredients. With all the vet bills and crazy gas prices, along with renting the moving truck (that took diesel!!!) I seriously have like $60 in my account until my next paycheck on Thursday. So I will only be buying gas and NOTHING else! Let's just hope that will cover it!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Anal Glands

My dog is sick (I will refer to her as Little P). I noticed her acting funny the day I moved in with JJ. She was not her usual self. Her usual self is a ALWAYS happy and friendly dog. However, on Sunday, she was not wagging her tail, her head was hanging down and she kept licking her butt. On Monday morning before work, I was petting her and bumper her tail. She cried out in pain. I immediately called the vet and made an appointment.

At the vet's, they emptied her anal glands. For those of you who don't know what that is, they are small sacs inside of the butthole that release this smelly liquid when a dog goes #2. Yeah, sorry for being so graphic. However, it will probably only get worse from here on. You've been warned.

So the vet emptied her anal glands and she cried a lot while he did that. Then he gave her some antibiotics and an enima. She went to the bathroom before we left the vet's office. She continued to go to the bathroom ALL NIGHT LONG. Im talking all night. I got hardly any sleep because she kept having to go outside. She is still licking herself every two seconds and now there is blood in her stool. I am taking her back to the vet today and JJ is coming with me. Hopefully I can even make it to tonight without throwing up. I have felt awful all day and I seriously just want to go home and sleep. Blah.....

UPDATE: They kept my little girl overnight so they could watch her closely. They think it may just be a bug or maybe even stress from the move. I am supposed to call this morning to see if I can pick her up. JJ left this morning and I am already missing him like crazy. I just can't wait for everything to get back to normal! I will let you guys know how Little P is today.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Looong weekend

Ok it's Sunday night and I am absolutely exhausted. We have been moving my stuff in all weekend. I have come to a conclusion...I. Have. Way. Too. Much. Crap.

Going to bed so my body can hopefully recover before another long week at work.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Mini job rant

Ok so I am a little upset right now. Let me start from the beginning. Last Friday we had a casual day. I wore some white capris (that came down to right above my knee) and a blue polo shirt. This week my boss came to me and said that the pants were too short because we arent supposed to wear shorts and she considered them shorts. She said that if I wanted to wear capris they needed to go over my knee. Ok fine. I wont wear those again. No big deal.

So today I wore another pair of capris. They are plaid and come down and hit me right below the knee (so they came over my knee). I went to ask my boss if they were ok and she said no. She said they needed to come down to my mid-calf. The thing that pisses me off is that I have worn those pants twice before and no one said anything to me. It never even crossed my mind that they would be too short. So recently I went out and bought a pair of black capris that are the same length (they hit me right below the knee). Now I can't wear either of these pants so that takes away a large number of outfits for me. I checked today and we have nothing written up on dress code. I know that we can wear sleeveless shirts and open toed shoes to work. I dont understand how their dress code can be so liberal in some areas but ridiculously strict in others. I can wear a skirt that hits right below the knee but not pants? huh?

So now I am short on clothes and I cannot afford to go buy anything else. I am currently trying to move out of my grandparents house and I am only making $11.50 an hour so money is really tight. I am so incredibly frustrated with my boss and job right now. Im tired of getting paid so little for a full time job when I have a bachelors degree. I have been living with my grandparents for a year trying to save up to afford to move out and now money is going to be so freakin tight. I am moving in with JJ and can only afford about $250 in rent. I cannot believe a full time job is paying me so little that I can afford to pay so little in rent. And now I need to go buy some pants. Freaking awesome.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Moving, moving and more moving

Thanks to everyone who sent me congrats on our new house! JJ went to the closing and everything went fine. We started moving in last week and continued through the weekend. We got all of his furniture in by Thursday and then spent the entire weekend shopping and unpacking. Well, actually mostly shopping. We went to Bed Bath and Beyond, Target (like 3 times), Home Depot, Lowes, TJ Max, Kohls, Linens and Things and Petsmart. Poor JJ spent sooo much money.

We got into a little tiff (I love that word) on Sunday. I think we were just getting on each others nerves and we both were so stressed the whole weekend. I just sort of snapped. He was asking me what I wanted for dinner and he was naming stuff off. One of the things he suggested I said I didn't want. He asked, "Why?" I told him I just didn't want it. He said, "Why?" I said I wasn't in the mood for it. He said, "Why?" I said I didn't feel like coconut (one of the ingredients) and he said, "Why?" It was at that point that I lost it.

Another fun adventure was when we had bought this rug to put outside of the shower so that we have something to step on as we were getting out. The first one we bought was too big and we could not open the closet door. The closet door is right next to the tub and it is so low to the ground that nothing will really fit underneath it. So we go to return the rug and get one that is smaller. Of course, that one doesn't fit either. The only way it will fit is if we put it way to the right of the tub. Well then it isn't CENTERED and I really want it to be CENTERED. So JJ asks me what I think and I tell him the truth..."I hate it."I concluded that discussion with "Well if you are going to keep it there, I will live with it but since you asked my opinion I just wanted you to know I hated it."

After the weekend was over I was completely exhausted. Now I just have to get through next weekend when we get to drive 400 miles to get my stuff out of storage. Yay.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

New House!

In 15 minutes me and JJ will be leaving work to go to the closing on our (ok his) new house!!! I am so excited! We are going to start moving in tonight with the help of my uncle. Hopefully, we will have most of the stuff moved in by this weekend.

So if everything goes well, in about an hour and a half my wonderful JJ will be a homeowner!!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Druken madness

So to continue my story from my last post, JJ and his girlfriend at the time, along with Mr. NP and Ms. FP decided to play a drinking game one evening. It was one of those games where the winner gets to make up a rule for the next round. Well it turns out that every time Ms. FP won, her rule was "JJ takes off his clothes." Um... WTF?? JJ's girlfriend at the time did not say anything to her. Apparently she was much more mature than I am. If I had been there, I would have a few choice words for Ms. FP. Ever since hearing that story, I just cannot stand the woman. Yeah once again, let me remind you, she is THIRTY-FIVE years old.

Luckily we will not be dealing with those two for much longer. JJ closes on his house on Wednesday and then I will be moving in the week of May 12. I am sooo excited!!! We spent this last weekend furniture shopping. We actually made an hour and a half drive to this furniture store that is supposed to be really cheap. We walked around for about 10 minutes before we realized that it was definately not in our price range. We ended up finding a ton at a place about 5 minutes from the house (figures). We got a bed, dresser, chest, nightstand, mattress and comforter set all at one place. It will all be delivered to the house (for free!) as soon as it comes in.

I was so proud of JJ because he did a little bartering. He got the nightstand and delivery for free so he saved about 400 bucks (Yay! Good job baby!) I wish I had an easier time bartering for stuff. I saw a news clip about how since the economy is so bad right now pretty much every store will barter for stuff. Sweet! Now if only I was good at it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Mr. NP and Ms. FP

I decided to make an appointment with my dermatologist in June and then just stop worrying about it. If in June the bumps are still bothering me I will go. If not, I will just cancel the appointment. Ok enough of that!

JJ is closing on his house next week and I am so excited! He bought the cutest little house real close to work and I am going to move in with him! It will be so nice to only have a 15 minute drive to work (versus the hour drive I have right now). It will also save both of us a ton of money because I am going to help him with rent and utilities. I am a little worried about what his mom will think of me though. She is a very old-fashioned Catholic and I'm really starting to think that she is going to end up hating me before we even meet. I mean, I am moving in with her oldest son before marriage. I am so going to hell.

JJ is currently living with a roommate. We will call him Mr. NP (because he has No Personality). Mr. NP owns the house and JJ pays rent for the upstairs bedroom, bathroom and extra room. Mr. NP also has a girlfriend that we will call Ms. FP (for Frumpy Psycho). Mr. NP and Ms. FP are the weirdest couple I have ever known. I really don't think they even care for each other. Whenever they are both home one of them will be on the computer and the other will be in the other room watching tv. Its like they cant even stand to be in the same room together. Ms. FP has two little irritating dogs. Now I am a dog person. I adore dogs. Not her dogs though. They are yappy and completely spoiled. She constantly carries one of them and now he thinks that he should always be carried. Ick. I really think that you can tell a lot about a person by the way their dog behaves.

Mr. NP and Ms. FP have broken up dozens of times. They have been dating a year or two (yeah I cant really remember how long) and keep breaking up over and over. Unfortunately, every time they break up, JJ gets stuck in the middle. Ms. FP will leave JJ messages asking where Mr. NP is, and if he is home, and what time did he get home, and how much she misses him and on and on. And get this, she is in her MID THIRTIES! I mean seriously lady, grow up! I would never act like that and I am more than 10 years younger than her.

Mr. NP and Ms. FP were supposed to be moving in together. Now they are thinking about breaking up again. Ahh! I cant wait for JJ to be out of there! Freakin wierdos. Oh and I will have to tell you about the time Ms. FP got drunk and kept hitting on JJ....

Monday, April 21, 2008


So after 3 whole weeks of working myself up and getting really nervous about my appointment last Friday here is what happened: NOTHING!

My dermatologist basically told me the same things I already knew about the little bumps on my nose. He did add that I will be getting these things my whole life. Insurance does not cover any treatment since it is completely cosmetic. He asked me if they bothered me and I said "yeah they do!" He told me I could make another appointment to come back and get them taken care of. Apparently, they don't do anything like that during the initial appointment. Freakin awesome. So I worked my ass off last week to make up the time I would be gone at my appointment and wasted 2.5 hours of leave that I am supposed to be saving up for absolutely no reason. Also, that was the only Friday my derm was going to work. So if I decide to get it done at a later point, I will have to do it on a Thursday and then come to work on Friday which I am completely terrified to do.

So here is my dilemma. Do I suck it up and just get used to them? Or do I get it done? JJ keeps telling me how no one can see them and that I am making a mountain out of a molehill. He is completely right. No one has ever noticed them and even when I point them out people still can't see them. So I am making a big deal out of nothing. I just can't seem to let it go! I keep looking in the mirror and looking for them. All this does is upset me even more. I want to be able to just let them go. I don't want to get them treated and then have a week or so of looking really bad with scabs and sores all over my nose. I want to be able to forget about them and just accept them. Especially since I will be getting them my whole life. Should I try to get another appointment? Should I wait a while until later in the year? Should I just forget about them?

Part of me wants to get another appointment and just do it! And them part of me just wants to let it go. I just know that getting the procedure done will lift a huge weight off my shoulders. It will completely erase all the stress I am having over it. I will also be relieved and better able to relax on my vacation in California. However, at some point I will probably get new bumps and then what? I will go through this whole thing all over again? Am I doomed to suffer my entire life because I am so vain that I can't get over some miniscule bumps on my nose that no one can see???

I wish I could explain to JJ what it is like. I know he is being patient with me but I also think to some degree it may hurt our relationship. My boyfriend should look at me and see a strong, confident woman. Instead, I know he is seeing a petty, self-conscious girl that picks at herself relentlessly. How long will it be before he starts seeing me the way that I see myself? And sadly, if that happens he will NOT like what he sees and will not want to stay with me.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


So my doctor did some tests and told me what he thinks my lightheadedness/dizziness might be. He thinks it's anxiety.

Now I have always been somewhat of a "worrier" and I do get anxious in social situations but I have never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or with having panic attacks. I was diagnosed with depression and OCD when I was little. I still battle with the OCD at times but I don't think I am depressed anymore.

My doctor recommended I start taking anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants. Now I was on anti-depressants for years when I was little and I don't want to do that again. Plus, I have a psychology degree and have worked with a psychologist before. Let me tell you, there are MANY options besides medication.

Naturally I keep thinking, "what the heck is making me so anxious right now?" I have been through some much tougher times than right now. I have been umemployed with no money. Yeah that was really stressful, but I was never lightheaded. I have had semesters in college where I was working 30 hours a week, going to school full-time, applying to grad schools, preparing for the GRE, and maintaining perfect grades. Um no lightheadedness then either. So why, when everything is going well am I having anxiety issues? Hmmm still a little doubtful that anxiety is the issue here.

There is one thing I am somewhat anxious about. I have a dermatology appointment on Friday. I get these little bumps on my nose called fibrous papules. They are genetic and I have been getting them my whole life. Only last year did I have a dermatologist tell me what they were. At that time I had 13 of them. Treatment to get rid of them consists of actually burning them off. I mean they really burn them off. They use this little pen-like instrument that has a little flame and it BURNS them off. It hurts, but it is bearable (oh the things we do for beauty!).

I have a few new spots on my nose that have been bothering me so I made an appointment to get them looked at (and hopefully taken care of) on Friday. JJ keeps telling me how silly I am being because he cannot see anything on my nose. I know that no one else can see them. I see them and they bother me. I don't know why they upset me so much. They just do. Now if the derm can treat them, I will look pretty crappy for a little while. The spots take a while to heal (think about how long it took you to heal after burning yourself on something) and they are right in the middle of my face. Plus, they are really hard to cover up with makeup because they scab up too. I am taking Friday off so I will have 3 whole days to heal before I have to face the world. I am still pretty nervous about how I will look come Monday.

I just wish I could accept myself for the way I am. I don't know why it is so unbelievably difficult for me to love myself. It's such a struggle for me. I would rather suffer for a week or two looking bad enough that people will definately notice, instead of just accepting the tiny little bumps on my nose that NO ONE can see. Ahhh!!! What the hell is wrong with me???

Monday, April 14, 2008

Still Dizzy

I made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow. I am still dizzy today and I am having serious doubts about the doc telling me it was just my allergies. I feel like there is something else going on.

The wierd thing is, my dizziness is only bad when I am on the computer. I didnt get on the computer all weekend and felt fine. When I came to work today, I started feeling dizzy again. It's not a spinning kind of dizzy though. It's like everything is shaking and my eyes wont focus on stuff that is up close. I told JJ about this and he made me make an appointment with my doctor. I really can't miss more work but I think I will feel much better when I go somewhere to see a doctor that actually cares about me.

It looks like I will be working this Saturday again. And just to let yall know, it will be my third Saturday in a row working. Blah.

Friday, April 11, 2008

OMG the room is spinning!!

Yesterday was absolutely terrifying. I got to work and my allergies were bothering me some but that was about it. Then I started feeling slightly dizzy. Just slightly. But it was enough to worry me. I couldn't understand why I would be feeling dizzy.

Then as the day went on it just got worse and worse. I called my doctor and he was out until the next week so the nurse told me to try some Dramamine. I went out and got some during my lunch break. I took one and about an hour later started having some pretty severe waves of dizziness. At one point I had to run to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up (I didn't though). I asked JJ to help me out and take me to a doc-in-a-box place.

We found one somewhat nearby and filled out the paperwork. We got there at 1:30 and did not leave until 6:00!!!! It was so ridiculous. Pretty much all of the nurses were rude, we were left sitting in a room for 2 and 1/2 hours until JJ poked his head out and asked how much longer we would have to wait. The response was, of course, "You are next."

When I was told I was getting my blood taken, I was a little nervous. I have never been very good about getting my blood taken. And of course I got the worst nurse ever. She was AWFUL!! She tied the little plastic thing so dang tight! When she found the vein and got the needle in, she was like, "Your blood just doesn't want to come out. It is just dripping." Ok I can tell you why you freakin fucktard! You didnt untie the plastic tie! While she was saying this, she was moving the needle around in my arm. I was already dizzy and nauseous and that was the last thing I needed. She finally loosened up the plastic tie and (surprise!) she got the blood she needed.

The doctor was kind of an ass and he told me that it was because my allergies were so bad they messed up my sinuses and caused the vertigo. So he gave me a cortizone shot (yeah in my ass) and gave me a prescription for a patch to wear for the vertigo. I do feel better today even though I am still a tad bit dizzy at times.

JJ sat with me the entire time and he is the only reason I did not start throwing myself against the drab off-white walls in that tiny ass room. He kept me laughing by going through all the drawers, playing with everything in the room, reading Allure and commenting on the articles, playing with the little toy in the room (one of those things with the wooden balls you move up and down the colorful tracks) and just being his cute self. I owe him big time.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


Allergies suck.

I have had severe allergies since I was six months old. Every single spring when the trees and flowers start to bloom, I begin to feel like crap. Everyone I know is saying, "Oh what a beautiful day! I love spring!" And I am thinking, "Damnit another freakin spring. I hate spring!"

I try to avoid any contact with the outside world. I will stay indoors at all times. If I have to go outside I make it as quick as possible. My dad had bought me an air purifyer and I usually turn that on, shut my bedroom door, and hide in my room for as much of the spring season that I can manage. However, this spring my stuff is still in storage in the next state over (I have moved but don't have my own place yet so I am keeping most of my stuff in storage until I move in with JJ) and I don't have my purifyer. I feel like I have lost my security blanket and am a little girl stumbling around in the big bad pollenated world all alone.

I am stuffy, yet my nose is still running (don't you love how that works?). I am sneezing about every 10 minutes (I am pretty sure my coworkers about to kill me. They used to all say "bless you" but now no one even tries anymore. Whats the point? I will be sneezing again in 10 minutes.) and my eyes are driving me crazy. I would have to say that the worst thing about my allergies is my eyes. They itch like freakin crazy!!! And sometimes they will get very red and then I get "Are you high?" or "Are you ok? You look like you have been crying!" all damn day long.

I am completely overmedicating myself with Zyrtec and Benadryl but it doesn't feel like anything is helping. I also took allergy shots once a week for three years but that didn't seem to do much either. It seems like I may be doomed to suffer for the month of April for the rest of my life. Maybe I will get really rich and be able to fly to Hawaii every April and come back when allergy season is over. Or maybe I will just move to Hawaii.

I was thinking about it today and I realized something. I am the epitome of a nerd/dork. I have horrible allergies, I have awful eyesight (I wear contacts but sometimes I get tired and just wear my glasses), and I LOVE to read. I was always the kid reading by herself in the corner while everyone else played together. I would still rather read a book than do anything else. Well except hang out with JJ. Most of the time.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Gee thanks Mom

Yesterday when JJ and I went out to lunch. We were waiting for our food to come when my cell phone started buzzing. It was my mom calling me back. I told her that I did want to come to California with them. I told her that I was not going to go home with JJ but instead going with them. She sounded excited but she said that she felt bad to have ruined me and JJ's plans. I explained to her that she did not ruin anything. She invited me to go if I could manage it and I moved around my plans so that I could go. I also told her that I was looking forward to spending some quality time with my sister.

The sis has been somewhat apprehensive about me having a new boyfriend. I have never had a serious relationship with anyone before. Sure, I did plenty of dating but nothing ever turned into an acutal relationship. I tended to date the typical college guy. All they wanted to do was party and drink and I was never into that. Plus, most of them were absolutely terrified of committment. All I had to do was say the word "boyfriend" and I never heard from them ever again. So I stayed focused on working and studying through college.

Anyway, now that I am dating JJ and things are getting serious very fast, it seems like my sis has some reservations. I think some of it is that she is not happy that some guy has come along and taken her sister away from her. I live across the US from my parents but I try to visit at least twice a year. Starting this Christmas, JJ will most likely be coming with me. This does not please my sister. She wants things to be the way they always have and unfortunately things will change now. I plan on marrying JJ and starting a family and this is really hard for my sister. I completely understand her and am doing everthing I can to make it easier for her.

So I tell my mom that I am excited to spend some quality time with the sis and she says something into the phone that I don't quite make out. I thought that she said "Your sister is very excited about you coming." I asked my mom to repeat what she said because I couldn't hear her over the orders being called out. She said "Your sister is very IFFY about you coming." Ok...what the hell? My mom went on to say that my sister is worried that I will let something bother me or be in bad mood the whole trip.

I know that I am not the happiest, bubbly person in the world. I do let small, stupid things get me down a lot. However, the wonderful JJ has been really working with me on this. I have been working on the being more positive thing for a while now and I am feeling much better. I have a lot more work to do but I do feel much happier. However, I cannot remember a time where I have been in a bad mood on a vacation.

I told my mom I would call her back after lunch so that I could eat. I was really upset through lunch. I was so hurt that my sister thinks of me that way. JJ held my hand and told me that my sister was wrong. I teared up a little and finished lunch.

So I get back to work and call my mom back. My mom told me that she had called my dad and told him about our conversation. She said, "I talked to your dad and he was upset. Sis didn't say that." I was thinking, "Oh yay! My mom must have misunderstood my sister. They DO want me to go!" Then my mom continued. She said, "It's not just your sister that feels that way, we all do. We are all worried about you being in a bad mood for the vacation."


I couldn't understand 1) why she was telling me this and 2) why would they think this. I asked her if was I ever in a bad mood on a vacation and she says that I was in Phoenix. "When?" I ask. She tells me, "When we drove to Sedona you got carsick." Um, yeah? And that was me being in a bad mood? I guess she was worried that since we are going to have to do some driving I might get carsick. I tell her that I can either sit in the front or take motion sickness pills. She replies, "Oh you are NOT sitting in the front on MY vacation." Motion sickness pills it is then.

So basically I am excited about going but I am worried that my parents don't really want me to go. I am determined to be the happiest, positive and upbeat person ever on the vacation. I just wish I could get past my hurt feelings.