Monday, April 21, 2008


So after 3 whole weeks of working myself up and getting really nervous about my appointment last Friday here is what happened: NOTHING!

My dermatologist basically told me the same things I already knew about the little bumps on my nose. He did add that I will be getting these things my whole life. Insurance does not cover any treatment since it is completely cosmetic. He asked me if they bothered me and I said "yeah they do!" He told me I could make another appointment to come back and get them taken care of. Apparently, they don't do anything like that during the initial appointment. Freakin awesome. So I worked my ass off last week to make up the time I would be gone at my appointment and wasted 2.5 hours of leave that I am supposed to be saving up for absolutely no reason. Also, that was the only Friday my derm was going to work. So if I decide to get it done at a later point, I will have to do it on a Thursday and then come to work on Friday which I am completely terrified to do.

So here is my dilemma. Do I suck it up and just get used to them? Or do I get it done? JJ keeps telling me how no one can see them and that I am making a mountain out of a molehill. He is completely right. No one has ever noticed them and even when I point them out people still can't see them. So I am making a big deal out of nothing. I just can't seem to let it go! I keep looking in the mirror and looking for them. All this does is upset me even more. I want to be able to just let them go. I don't want to get them treated and then have a week or so of looking really bad with scabs and sores all over my nose. I want to be able to forget about them and just accept them. Especially since I will be getting them my whole life. Should I try to get another appointment? Should I wait a while until later in the year? Should I just forget about them?

Part of me wants to get another appointment and just do it! And them part of me just wants to let it go. I just know that getting the procedure done will lift a huge weight off my shoulders. It will completely erase all the stress I am having over it. I will also be relieved and better able to relax on my vacation in California. However, at some point I will probably get new bumps and then what? I will go through this whole thing all over again? Am I doomed to suffer my entire life because I am so vain that I can't get over some miniscule bumps on my nose that no one can see???

I wish I could explain to JJ what it is like. I know he is being patient with me but I also think to some degree it may hurt our relationship. My boyfriend should look at me and see a strong, confident woman. Instead, I know he is seeing a petty, self-conscious girl that picks at herself relentlessly. How long will it be before he starts seeing me the way that I see myself? And sadly, if that happens he will NOT like what he sees and will not want to stay with me.

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