Thursday, September 23, 2010


I moved out of my parents house my second year in college. I got a condo with two roommates (one of them was completely insane and you can read about her here) and lived there for a year. After that I moved into a small apartment with a different roommate and after a year with her, I once again moved in with two other girls. I never lived alone and I never was fully financially independent from my parents. I did work all through college (in fact I started working when I was 14) but most months I needed a little extra help. One of the things I was most looking forward to when I graduated from college was being able to support myself and live alone.

After I graduated, I moved in with my grandparents until I could find a job. It took a few months and when I finally found something, I was making so little that I still couldn't afford to move out on my own. Shortly after finding my job, I met JJ and we started dating. After only 6 months I moved in with him. We decided before I moved in, I would pay half of everything except for the mortgage since my name wasn't on the house. A year a half later, we were married and now we have one account.

Something I struggled with when I moved in with JJ and when I closed my old bank account and transferred my money into his, was that I never reached my goal. I never lived by myself and supported myself financially. I was so disappointed in myself that I was always dependent on someone else and I felt like I still had something to prove. JJ had a hard time understanding this so it caused an argument or two in the beginning.

JJ has been out of town all this week and I have learning a really valuable lesson. I don’t NEED JJ. I love him and want him around. I want to spend time with him, but I am not dependent on him. I took care of myself, the dogs and the house all week by myself and I was fine. I even have a horrible migraine today but I am still working and plan on getting some cleaning done tonight. I am strong, independent and can take care of myself. I have a wonderful husband that takes care of me if I need help and supports me but that doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself. I can stop trying to prove my independence. I already have it.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Comment System Update!

I have always wanted to be able to email people back after they comment and I finally figured out a way to do it! I installed IntenseDebate (the installation was so easy!) so from now on I should be able to email you guys back, as long as I installed it correctly. Check back later for an actual post!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

New Passion

About a year ago I tried to start learning about photography, but ended up giving up due to my upcoming wedding and being sick ALL.THE.TIME. Lately, in order to distract myself from some not so pleasant events in my life (nothing major. Sorry for being so vague), I have jumped head first into photography.

And I am LOVING it. I am the happiest and most free when I am walking around with my camera on my face. When I am taking pictures I feel like myself again, finally! I have moments where I get overwhelmed because there is so much to learn but most of the time I just enjoy it. Any time I am bored at work, which is pretty much all the time, I read photography blogs or search for inspirational photos. It is so nice to have something I am proud of again. Work drains me because I dislike my job and feel so worthless so it's nice to feel like I have accomplished something at the end of the day. I have posted some pictures on twitter and on Digital Photography School and have gotten some amazing feedback. My confidence is building and my passion is overflowing.

I also have to send a HUGE thank you to Rachel for helping me get started! She is an amazing photographer and took time out of her busy schedule to help me out. Rachel, I don't think you will ever know how much you did for me.

So! Here are some of my favorite photos so far.




Kenspeckle - Stiletto

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Weekend Massage

For Valentine's Day this year, I got JJ a gift certificate for a massage because he has always wanted to try a deep tissue massage. So I bought him a gift certificate for a spa that is very close to our house and that I have been to multiple times. They recently were bought by a different place but they were honoring the old gift cards (and even adding 20% to it!). JJ wanted me to go with him so I made the appointment for me to get a regular massage and for JJ to get a deep tissue. I also asked for the couples room so we could get our massages at the same time. When I made the appointment they asked me if I had a preference of whether I wanted a female or male to do my massage. I told them I didn't care because the last time I went there a really nice guy did my massage and did a great job.

So we went to our massage yesterday. (Yes, I realize we were just redeeming the gift certificate from seven months ago. JJ and I had a discussion about this because I was convinced that he completely hated my gift and wanted nothing to do with it. He reassured me that I was crazy and that he just hadn't had time. Whatever. Love you honey!) I went to the locker room and got changed and was waiting for my masseur/masseuse to come get me. There was a knock on the door and the girl that works in the locker room told me it was my masseur coming to get me. I open the door and standing there was a young guy that was about 6'5" with huge muscles. And cute. He walked me back to my room and while we waited for JJ to come in we chatted.

JJ and came in with his masseuse and they explained to us that we were to take our robes off and get under the covers on the table. They left the room so we could do just that. After a brief debate over whether they said we were supposed to get under both covers or in between the two (I won that one, ha! I never win any disagreements so I fully plan to use this one as often as I can), we were ready for the massage!

The entire time I was getting my massage, I was so distracted. I was never really able to relax because, really? How could you relax when a cute guy is tucking the blanket into your underwear and rubbing all over you? When he lifted the sheet up to start on my legs I kept thinking, "I hope I didn't miss a spot when I shaved today!" Plus, I kept almost giggling. Also(and this is where I have to warn you about TMI) I totally had to fart the whole time. Then I would think about what would happen if I did fart and I would start giggling.

JJ thought it was hilarious that I can't even relax during a massage. Later, when we were talking about the experience, JJ said, "I had to fart the entire time during the massage." I'm so glad we have so much in common!

Needless to say, next time I will be requesting a female masseuse...