I moved out of my parents house my second year in college. I got a condo with two roommates (one of them was completely insane and you can read about her here) and lived there for a year. After that I moved into a small apartment with a different roommate and after a year with her, I once again moved in with two other girls. I never lived alone and I never was fully financially independent from my parents. I did work all through college (in fact I started working when I was 14) but most months I needed a little extra help. One of the things I was most looking forward to when I graduated from college was being able to support myself and live alone.
After I graduated, I moved in with my grandparents until I could find a job. It took a few months and when I finally found something, I was making so little that I still couldn't afford to move out on my own. Shortly after finding my job, I met JJ and we started dating. After only 6 months I moved in with him. We decided before I moved in, I would pay half of everything except for the mortgage since my name wasn't on the house. A year a half later, we were married and now we have one account.
Something I struggled with when I moved in with JJ and when I closed my old bank account and transferred my money into his, was that I never reached my goal. I never lived by myself and supported myself financially. I was so disappointed in myself that I was always dependent on someone else and I felt like I still had something to prove. JJ had a hard time understanding this so it caused an argument or two in the beginning.
JJ has been out of town all this week and I have learning a really valuable lesson. I don’t NEED JJ. I love him and want him around. I want to spend time with him, but I am not dependent on him. I took care of myself, the dogs and the house all week by myself and I was fine. I even have a horrible migraine today but I am still working and plan on getting some cleaning done tonight. I am strong, independent and can take care of myself. I have a wonderful husband that takes care of me if I need help and supports me but that doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself. I can stop trying to prove my independence. I already have it.