Friday, January 30, 2009


Happy Friday everyone! What is everyone doing this weekend?

My weekend should be pretty jammed! Tomorrow we seriously need to do some house cleaning. Since I had a pretty crappy cold last weekend, I was so lazy and did NOTHING. I need to make up for that this weekend. Then tomorrow night we are going to a coworker's baby shower. It's actually a couples baby shower which should be interesting. I am going out after work tonight to buy the present. I looked at their registry earlier today and it really makes me excited to start having kids!!! I can't wait to buy all the cute little shoes!

On Sunday, we are meeting with a woman at our church to take this test. JJ and I are Catholic and we have to go through some marriage prep before we can actually get married. Sunday we are taking this 100 question test on our beliefs and attitudes on different things. When we are done, they will give us the results so we can see where we differ. I think it will be pretty cool to see how we answer and what things we are see differently. We have discussed a lot of stuff like finances, children, religion, divorce, etc. but I am curious to see if there are any subjects we forgot to cover. I want to go into our marriage with a realistic view on all the issues we may face. After the test, we are planning on going to church (we have really been slacking on that lately!).

Then on Sunday afternoon we are going to a Super Bowl party. I am not a big football fan but I think it will be fun. It is the first Super Bowl party I have been too and I think it could be interesting. I mean, a Super Bowl party with a bunch of engineers?? It HAS to be interesting!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

More Doctors visits

The last time I went to the doctor, he wanted me to start keeping a journal of all my symptoms for a month. Last week, I went back to see him and give him my journal. We talked a while about how I had been feeling and then I started crying (which was incredibly embarrassing). I told him how I was starting to lose hope that I would ever feel like myself again. I missed feeling normal! I also told him that even though I am thrilled to be marrying my fiance, I just can't get excited about the wedding. I know that I will be nervous on my wedding day. Lately, every time I get nervous, I get REALLY nauseous. I mean unbearably nauseous. Sometimes I will have bad diarrhea also. I can't help but wonder if my wedding day will be ruined by feeling sick.

He told me that I needed to go back on birth control because it could be a hormonal imbalance. He also wrote me a prescription for an antidepressant called Elavil. I think he was hoping that it would help me cope with everything a little better and to bring some hope back into my life. I started taking it last Thursday night and I HATE it. It is awful (for me! I am sure there are some people that do great on this drug). I have been much more dizzy and nauseous than normal and I feel like a zombie. I keep having moments where I start to panic for no reason. I am ten times more depressed than I was before the medication. Yesterday, I called in sick to work. I am getting over a cold and didn't feel that great but the reason I called in sick was because I just didn't want to go to work. I just wanted to lay around the house all day. That is NOT like me AT ALL. It really scared me because I felt like I couldn't control my thoughts and I was going crazy.

I called today and asked if I can stop taking Elavil. My doctor wanted to write me another prescription or to decrease the dosage but I refused. The antidepressant was supposed to help me cope with everything but it was just making me worse. I think I can cope better if I go see a therapist instead. I know that if I can just start to feel better, the depression will go away. I want my physician to focus on the health problems I am having and for a therapist to help me cope while I wait. I would give anything to just feel normal again!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Planning a wedding is way more difficult than I had imagined. JJ and I are paying for everything ourselves which means we have a very small budget. I have discovered that I should have picked a career in the wedding industry because HOLY COW is everything expensive!! We were having trouble finding a photographer for less than $1500 for ONE DAY! I wish I made that much for one day.

We have set a date; October 10, 2009 at 2:00pm. We are getting married at this beautiful Catholic church. We wanted to keep it as small as possible so we are sending out about 10 invitations and expecting around 75 to actually attend. I was hoping it would be smaller but JJ has a really big family.

I have a family friend that is helping me out with the reception so I should get a decent price on that. I am planning on doing all the decorations myself. We are (of course!) going to do a fall theme and I think my colors are going to be red, burnt orange and chocoalte brown. Me and my grandmother are going to go look for a wedding dress on Monday since I get the day off from work. I'm really hoping I can find one that I can actually afford!

I am going to try really hard to not turn this blog into a "wedding blog." I am sure that I will talk about the stresses of planning a wedding (and the excitement of course!) but I promise that is not the only thing I will talk about.