Wednesday, April 30, 2008

New House!

In 15 minutes me and JJ will be leaving work to go to the closing on our (ok his) new house!!! I am so excited! We are going to start moving in tonight with the help of my uncle. Hopefully, we will have most of the stuff moved in by this weekend.

So if everything goes well, in about an hour and a half my wonderful JJ will be a homeowner!!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Druken madness

So to continue my story from my last post, JJ and his girlfriend at the time, along with Mr. NP and Ms. FP decided to play a drinking game one evening. It was one of those games where the winner gets to make up a rule for the next round. Well it turns out that every time Ms. FP won, her rule was "JJ takes off his clothes." Um... WTF?? JJ's girlfriend at the time did not say anything to her. Apparently she was much more mature than I am. If I had been there, I would have a few choice words for Ms. FP. Ever since hearing that story, I just cannot stand the woman. Yeah once again, let me remind you, she is THIRTY-FIVE years old.

Luckily we will not be dealing with those two for much longer. JJ closes on his house on Wednesday and then I will be moving in the week of May 12. I am sooo excited!!! We spent this last weekend furniture shopping. We actually made an hour and a half drive to this furniture store that is supposed to be really cheap. We walked around for about 10 minutes before we realized that it was definately not in our price range. We ended up finding a ton at a place about 5 minutes from the house (figures). We got a bed, dresser, chest, nightstand, mattress and comforter set all at one place. It will all be delivered to the house (for free!) as soon as it comes in.

I was so proud of JJ because he did a little bartering. He got the nightstand and delivery for free so he saved about 400 bucks (Yay! Good job baby!) I wish I had an easier time bartering for stuff. I saw a news clip about how since the economy is so bad right now pretty much every store will barter for stuff. Sweet! Now if only I was good at it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Mr. NP and Ms. FP

I decided to make an appointment with my dermatologist in June and then just stop worrying about it. If in June the bumps are still bothering me I will go. If not, I will just cancel the appointment. Ok enough of that!

JJ is closing on his house next week and I am so excited! He bought the cutest little house real close to work and I am going to move in with him! It will be so nice to only have a 15 minute drive to work (versus the hour drive I have right now). It will also save both of us a ton of money because I am going to help him with rent and utilities. I am a little worried about what his mom will think of me though. She is a very old-fashioned Catholic and I'm really starting to think that she is going to end up hating me before we even meet. I mean, I am moving in with her oldest son before marriage. I am so going to hell.

JJ is currently living with a roommate. We will call him Mr. NP (because he has No Personality). Mr. NP owns the house and JJ pays rent for the upstairs bedroom, bathroom and extra room. Mr. NP also has a girlfriend that we will call Ms. FP (for Frumpy Psycho). Mr. NP and Ms. FP are the weirdest couple I have ever known. I really don't think they even care for each other. Whenever they are both home one of them will be on the computer and the other will be in the other room watching tv. Its like they cant even stand to be in the same room together. Ms. FP has two little irritating dogs. Now I am a dog person. I adore dogs. Not her dogs though. They are yappy and completely spoiled. She constantly carries one of them and now he thinks that he should always be carried. Ick. I really think that you can tell a lot about a person by the way their dog behaves.

Mr. NP and Ms. FP have broken up dozens of times. They have been dating a year or two (yeah I cant really remember how long) and keep breaking up over and over. Unfortunately, every time they break up, JJ gets stuck in the middle. Ms. FP will leave JJ messages asking where Mr. NP is, and if he is home, and what time did he get home, and how much she misses him and on and on. And get this, she is in her MID THIRTIES! I mean seriously lady, grow up! I would never act like that and I am more than 10 years younger than her.

Mr. NP and Ms. FP were supposed to be moving in together. Now they are thinking about breaking up again. Ahh! I cant wait for JJ to be out of there! Freakin wierdos. Oh and I will have to tell you about the time Ms. FP got drunk and kept hitting on JJ....

Monday, April 21, 2008


So after 3 whole weeks of working myself up and getting really nervous about my appointment last Friday here is what happened: NOTHING!

My dermatologist basically told me the same things I already knew about the little bumps on my nose. He did add that I will be getting these things my whole life. Insurance does not cover any treatment since it is completely cosmetic. He asked me if they bothered me and I said "yeah they do!" He told me I could make another appointment to come back and get them taken care of. Apparently, they don't do anything like that during the initial appointment. Freakin awesome. So I worked my ass off last week to make up the time I would be gone at my appointment and wasted 2.5 hours of leave that I am supposed to be saving up for absolutely no reason. Also, that was the only Friday my derm was going to work. So if I decide to get it done at a later point, I will have to do it on a Thursday and then come to work on Friday which I am completely terrified to do.

So here is my dilemma. Do I suck it up and just get used to them? Or do I get it done? JJ keeps telling me how no one can see them and that I am making a mountain out of a molehill. He is completely right. No one has ever noticed them and even when I point them out people still can't see them. So I am making a big deal out of nothing. I just can't seem to let it go! I keep looking in the mirror and looking for them. All this does is upset me even more. I want to be able to just let them go. I don't want to get them treated and then have a week or so of looking really bad with scabs and sores all over my nose. I want to be able to forget about them and just accept them. Especially since I will be getting them my whole life. Should I try to get another appointment? Should I wait a while until later in the year? Should I just forget about them?

Part of me wants to get another appointment and just do it! And them part of me just wants to let it go. I just know that getting the procedure done will lift a huge weight off my shoulders. It will completely erase all the stress I am having over it. I will also be relieved and better able to relax on my vacation in California. However, at some point I will probably get new bumps and then what? I will go through this whole thing all over again? Am I doomed to suffer my entire life because I am so vain that I can't get over some miniscule bumps on my nose that no one can see???

I wish I could explain to JJ what it is like. I know he is being patient with me but I also think to some degree it may hurt our relationship. My boyfriend should look at me and see a strong, confident woman. Instead, I know he is seeing a petty, self-conscious girl that picks at herself relentlessly. How long will it be before he starts seeing me the way that I see myself? And sadly, if that happens he will NOT like what he sees and will not want to stay with me.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


So my doctor did some tests and told me what he thinks my lightheadedness/dizziness might be. He thinks it's anxiety.

Now I have always been somewhat of a "worrier" and I do get anxious in social situations but I have never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or with having panic attacks. I was diagnosed with depression and OCD when I was little. I still battle with the OCD at times but I don't think I am depressed anymore.

My doctor recommended I start taking anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants. Now I was on anti-depressants for years when I was little and I don't want to do that again. Plus, I have a psychology degree and have worked with a psychologist before. Let me tell you, there are MANY options besides medication.

Naturally I keep thinking, "what the heck is making me so anxious right now?" I have been through some much tougher times than right now. I have been umemployed with no money. Yeah that was really stressful, but I was never lightheaded. I have had semesters in college where I was working 30 hours a week, going to school full-time, applying to grad schools, preparing for the GRE, and maintaining perfect grades. Um no lightheadedness then either. So why, when everything is going well am I having anxiety issues? Hmmm still a little doubtful that anxiety is the issue here.

There is one thing I am somewhat anxious about. I have a dermatology appointment on Friday. I get these little bumps on my nose called fibrous papules. They are genetic and I have been getting them my whole life. Only last year did I have a dermatologist tell me what they were. At that time I had 13 of them. Treatment to get rid of them consists of actually burning them off. I mean they really burn them off. They use this little pen-like instrument that has a little flame and it BURNS them off. It hurts, but it is bearable (oh the things we do for beauty!).

I have a few new spots on my nose that have been bothering me so I made an appointment to get them looked at (and hopefully taken care of) on Friday. JJ keeps telling me how silly I am being because he cannot see anything on my nose. I know that no one else can see them. I see them and they bother me. I don't know why they upset me so much. They just do. Now if the derm can treat them, I will look pretty crappy for a little while. The spots take a while to heal (think about how long it took you to heal after burning yourself on something) and they are right in the middle of my face. Plus, they are really hard to cover up with makeup because they scab up too. I am taking Friday off so I will have 3 whole days to heal before I have to face the world. I am still pretty nervous about how I will look come Monday.

I just wish I could accept myself for the way I am. I don't know why it is so unbelievably difficult for me to love myself. It's such a struggle for me. I would rather suffer for a week or two looking bad enough that people will definately notice, instead of just accepting the tiny little bumps on my nose that NO ONE can see. Ahhh!!! What the hell is wrong with me???

Monday, April 14, 2008

Still Dizzy

I made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow. I am still dizzy today and I am having serious doubts about the doc telling me it was just my allergies. I feel like there is something else going on.

The wierd thing is, my dizziness is only bad when I am on the computer. I didnt get on the computer all weekend and felt fine. When I came to work today, I started feeling dizzy again. It's not a spinning kind of dizzy though. It's like everything is shaking and my eyes wont focus on stuff that is up close. I told JJ about this and he made me make an appointment with my doctor. I really can't miss more work but I think I will feel much better when I go somewhere to see a doctor that actually cares about me.

It looks like I will be working this Saturday again. And just to let yall know, it will be my third Saturday in a row working. Blah.

Friday, April 11, 2008

OMG the room is spinning!!

Yesterday was absolutely terrifying. I got to work and my allergies were bothering me some but that was about it. Then I started feeling slightly dizzy. Just slightly. But it was enough to worry me. I couldn't understand why I would be feeling dizzy.

Then as the day went on it just got worse and worse. I called my doctor and he was out until the next week so the nurse told me to try some Dramamine. I went out and got some during my lunch break. I took one and about an hour later started having some pretty severe waves of dizziness. At one point I had to run to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up (I didn't though). I asked JJ to help me out and take me to a doc-in-a-box place.

We found one somewhat nearby and filled out the paperwork. We got there at 1:30 and did not leave until 6:00!!!! It was so ridiculous. Pretty much all of the nurses were rude, we were left sitting in a room for 2 and 1/2 hours until JJ poked his head out and asked how much longer we would have to wait. The response was, of course, "You are next."

When I was told I was getting my blood taken, I was a little nervous. I have never been very good about getting my blood taken. And of course I got the worst nurse ever. She was AWFUL!! She tied the little plastic thing so dang tight! When she found the vein and got the needle in, she was like, "Your blood just doesn't want to come out. It is just dripping." Ok I can tell you why you freakin fucktard! You didnt untie the plastic tie! While she was saying this, she was moving the needle around in my arm. I was already dizzy and nauseous and that was the last thing I needed. She finally loosened up the plastic tie and (surprise!) she got the blood she needed.

The doctor was kind of an ass and he told me that it was because my allergies were so bad they messed up my sinuses and caused the vertigo. So he gave me a cortizone shot (yeah in my ass) and gave me a prescription for a patch to wear for the vertigo. I do feel better today even though I am still a tad bit dizzy at times.

JJ sat with me the entire time and he is the only reason I did not start throwing myself against the drab off-white walls in that tiny ass room. He kept me laughing by going through all the drawers, playing with everything in the room, reading Allure and commenting on the articles, playing with the little toy in the room (one of those things with the wooden balls you move up and down the colorful tracks) and just being his cute self. I owe him big time.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


Allergies suck.

I have had severe allergies since I was six months old. Every single spring when the trees and flowers start to bloom, I begin to feel like crap. Everyone I know is saying, "Oh what a beautiful day! I love spring!" And I am thinking, "Damnit another freakin spring. I hate spring!"

I try to avoid any contact with the outside world. I will stay indoors at all times. If I have to go outside I make it as quick as possible. My dad had bought me an air purifyer and I usually turn that on, shut my bedroom door, and hide in my room for as much of the spring season that I can manage. However, this spring my stuff is still in storage in the next state over (I have moved but don't have my own place yet so I am keeping most of my stuff in storage until I move in with JJ) and I don't have my purifyer. I feel like I have lost my security blanket and am a little girl stumbling around in the big bad pollenated world all alone.

I am stuffy, yet my nose is still running (don't you love how that works?). I am sneezing about every 10 minutes (I am pretty sure my coworkers about to kill me. They used to all say "bless you" but now no one even tries anymore. Whats the point? I will be sneezing again in 10 minutes.) and my eyes are driving me crazy. I would have to say that the worst thing about my allergies is my eyes. They itch like freakin crazy!!! And sometimes they will get very red and then I get "Are you high?" or "Are you ok? You look like you have been crying!" all damn day long.

I am completely overmedicating myself with Zyrtec and Benadryl but it doesn't feel like anything is helping. I also took allergy shots once a week for three years but that didn't seem to do much either. It seems like I may be doomed to suffer for the month of April for the rest of my life. Maybe I will get really rich and be able to fly to Hawaii every April and come back when allergy season is over. Or maybe I will just move to Hawaii.

I was thinking about it today and I realized something. I am the epitome of a nerd/dork. I have horrible allergies, I have awful eyesight (I wear contacts but sometimes I get tired and just wear my glasses), and I LOVE to read. I was always the kid reading by herself in the corner while everyone else played together. I would still rather read a book than do anything else. Well except hang out with JJ. Most of the time.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Gee thanks Mom

Yesterday when JJ and I went out to lunch. We were waiting for our food to come when my cell phone started buzzing. It was my mom calling me back. I told her that I did want to come to California with them. I told her that I was not going to go home with JJ but instead going with them. She sounded excited but she said that she felt bad to have ruined me and JJ's plans. I explained to her that she did not ruin anything. She invited me to go if I could manage it and I moved around my plans so that I could go. I also told her that I was looking forward to spending some quality time with my sister.

The sis has been somewhat apprehensive about me having a new boyfriend. I have never had a serious relationship with anyone before. Sure, I did plenty of dating but nothing ever turned into an acutal relationship. I tended to date the typical college guy. All they wanted to do was party and drink and I was never into that. Plus, most of them were absolutely terrified of committment. All I had to do was say the word "boyfriend" and I never heard from them ever again. So I stayed focused on working and studying through college.

Anyway, now that I am dating JJ and things are getting serious very fast, it seems like my sis has some reservations. I think some of it is that she is not happy that some guy has come along and taken her sister away from her. I live across the US from my parents but I try to visit at least twice a year. Starting this Christmas, JJ will most likely be coming with me. This does not please my sister. She wants things to be the way they always have and unfortunately things will change now. I plan on marrying JJ and starting a family and this is really hard for my sister. I completely understand her and am doing everthing I can to make it easier for her.

So I tell my mom that I am excited to spend some quality time with the sis and she says something into the phone that I don't quite make out. I thought that she said "Your sister is very excited about you coming." I asked my mom to repeat what she said because I couldn't hear her over the orders being called out. She said "Your sister is very IFFY about you coming." Ok...what the hell? My mom went on to say that my sister is worried that I will let something bother me or be in bad mood the whole trip.

I know that I am not the happiest, bubbly person in the world. I do let small, stupid things get me down a lot. However, the wonderful JJ has been really working with me on this. I have been working on the being more positive thing for a while now and I am feeling much better. I have a lot more work to do but I do feel much happier. However, I cannot remember a time where I have been in a bad mood on a vacation.

I told my mom I would call her back after lunch so that I could eat. I was really upset through lunch. I was so hurt that my sister thinks of me that way. JJ held my hand and told me that my sister was wrong. I teared up a little and finished lunch.

So I get back to work and call my mom back. My mom told me that she had called my dad and told him about our conversation. She said, "I talked to your dad and he was upset. Sis didn't say that." I was thinking, "Oh yay! My mom must have misunderstood my sister. They DO want me to go!" Then my mom continued. She said, "It's not just your sister that feels that way, we all do. We are all worried about you being in a bad mood for the vacation."


I couldn't understand 1) why she was telling me this and 2) why would they think this. I asked her if was I ever in a bad mood on a vacation and she says that I was in Phoenix. "When?" I ask. She tells me, "When we drove to Sedona you got carsick." Um, yeah? And that was me being in a bad mood? I guess she was worried that since we are going to have to do some driving I might get carsick. I tell her that I can either sit in the front or take motion sickness pills. She replies, "Oh you are NOT sitting in the front on MY vacation." Motion sickness pills it is then.

So basically I am excited about going but I am worried that my parents don't really want me to go. I am determined to be the happiest, positive and upbeat person ever on the vacation. I just wish I could get past my hurt feelings.


So based on the feedback I recieved from my last post and actually using my own mind to decide, I have decided that I am going to share my blog with my boyfriend. I am pretty sure he will just think it's funny. If I ever write anything bad about him, it will probably be something I have already yelled at him anyway.

So now on to the more important news. I am going to California this summer!!!! However, lots of thought, tears, confusion and work went into making this decision.

I was planning on going with my boyfriend to visit his parents this summer. It would be the first time for me to meet his family and I was pretty nervous. They had cats and I am severely allergic, I was worried his mom wouldn't like me because my boyfriend and I are moving in together (before we are married...gasp!), and I am pretty shy and he has a HUGE family. However, we would get to go horseback riding every day and I would get to spend 5 straight days with my best friend/love of my life. So I was nervous but still very excited. Plus, my boyfriend was also very excited and looking forward to it.

This weekend my mom called and asked me if I would be interested in joining them on the family vacation this year. Now my family goes on some serious vacations. I have gone with them to Arizona (Grand Canyon, Sedona, Phoenix....great trip!) and Hawaii (obviously also a wonderful trip. How could Hawaii be anything but amazing?). They have also gone to San Francisco and Denver but I was not able to join them on those. I wasn't actually invited to go on those with them. However, this year I am invited!!! They are going to San Diego and Palm Springs for a week in July.

Here is the major problem; I only have enough leave accrued to go either with the bf or with my family. Not both, only one! Ugh. I started crying because I wanted to go to California but I couldn't just back out on the bf (from now on he will be referred to as JJ. I have no reasoning behind choosing JJ so don't read too much into that!). Luckily, I have the greatest bf alive. JJ held my hand and told me I would be crazy to pass on going to CA with my family. He used his wonderful reasoning skills and put everything into perspective for me. He asked me when would be the next time I would get to go to CA with my family. I said probably never. He then asked when would be the next time I could go home with him and I said Thanksgiving. Hmmm... that makes that decision a bit easier. Why don't I think that way? He uses reasoning and I use all emotion. I was thinking "I will be sad to not go to CA but I will also be sad to not go home with JJ. JJ might be sad if I don't go with him. But what if my parents get hurt if I say no to going with them?" Blah. It's much easier his way.

JJ was not disappointed at all and seems to be genuinely happy and excited for me. I am happy and excited too if only it weren't for my mother. She basically made me feel like crap yesterday when I called to tell her I had decided to go with them. That will be my next post though because I should really try to get some work done this morning. Try being the key word.

Friday, April 4, 2008


One more thing for today. My boyfriend knows I have a blog but I have not told him what the URL is. Today he was asking me what it was because he wants to read it. We are both very honest in our relationship so I don't really like keeping anything from him. I will more than likely never say anything bad out him (except for things that he is already aware of) so I am not sure if it will be a bad thing if I let him read it.

What do you guys think? Should I keep it a secret or tell him?

Working on Saturday

Yep, I am working tomorrow (Saturday) and guess what? I actually volunteered. Yeah I'm an idiot I know. I just felt so bad because the one HR person was going to be there all by himself from 8-9 today and from 8-7 tomorrow. He asked pretty much the entire company (800+ people) to volunteer and got 2 people that said they would help. That is pathetic.

So I am dragging my boyfriend along with me tomorrow and we are just going to stand there at this table for two hours. He works at the same company as I do but he will actually be able to answer questions and be helpful, whereas I will be standing there just looking pretty (or trying to).

And the good news, since I am working two hours tomorrow I get to go home two hours early today! So I have a short Friday! Yay!

My boyfriend is a big wimp because he can't work without me (even though we hardly ever see each other during the day unless it is to go to lunch) and he is gonna leave early too. Now I can workout and get home to give my dog a bath and do some cleaning.

Yeah cleaning on a Friday night and working on a Saturday. I know, I am a loser.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Are you serious??

Ok so one of my favorite things to do at work when I am bored is to go and look at the interview appraisals. Basically everyone that interviews with us (and we interview a LOT. I should know since I set up every single one) has a link where the interviewers can make comments and rate the person. Some of these are absolutely hilarious. Especially if the person sucked.

For example, we had one guy that actually answered his cell phone in the middle of an interview. He was also a hippie. I'm taking long hair, completely unshaved and smelled really bad. We hired him.

I should make a note that I do not actually interview yet but I read the comments and I also hear the stories from the HR people that do interview.

We have also interviewed a girl that apparently forgot how to talk. Everyone that interviewed her (there were about 8 people) commented that she didn't say anything. I mean, I understand being nervious for an interview. We have all been there. But isn't the point of an interview to TALK about yourself and why you would be good for the job? Yeah I thought so.

So today we had someone interview that kept looking at his phone throughout each interview (we have many people interview the person for about 30 minutes at a time). How rude is that? He was either expecting a phone call (which I can understand because sometimes there are emergencies but in that case you should let us know that) or he was checking the time. So the entire day, in each interview, he was looking at his phone over and over. He did not get hired.

Ugh, I have to go help out another HR person set up for this convention this weekend. I get to help carry stupid props into the building and set up our little tables. They are also trying to get me to work this convention on Saturday. Ummm no thanks. I am not driving an hour to the convention (I have an hour commute to the craptastic city I work in. Not only do I work in a tiny little city but I live in the middle of nowhere) to stand there and act like I know what I am doing. Plus, I dont get overtime. So I am going to do whatever I can to make sure that does NOT happen. Also, I might want to mention that I work with a bunch of engineers (along with some IT people). I have a Psychology degree. Uh yeah, put me at the table this weekend and I think it's pretty safe to assume I will not be able to answer one single question.

I know there are some other pretty funny interview stories that I can come up with. I will try to find some more appraisals later.


Oh God I hate periods! Here is my tip for the day. Don't come talk to me unless you have chocolate or carbs. If you do, put them on my desk and get out. If you stay any longer I could possibly burst into tears for no reason. Awesome.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Ok I think every girl (including me) deals with body image issues at times. I strongly believe that the media plays a part in this problem. I stumbled upon this website today from a company that advertises their airbrushing capabilities:

You guys should really check it out if you want to feel better about yourselves. When you go to the site, click on "portfolio" on the top. Then click on the little pics to enlarge them. Once you enlarge them, put your cursor over the pic and it will show the celeb pre-airbrushing. It is absolutely amazing. I can't believe so many people (and I was one of the) truly believe that these celebrities are that perfect. No wonder so many people have low self-esteem or poor body image!!!

I did read a couple of articles that said that there could be laws passes on how much airbrushing a magazine is allowed to do. I was excited to learn this, however, I wonder how much good that will actually do. They won't pass a law saying that airbrushing isn't allowed, they will just say that there are limits. I don't know how much of a difference this will make.

Anyway, I thought I would share my little discovery of the day with yall.