Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Results

I got my results today...everything looked normal. I understand that technically this is a good thing. However, I had such hope that I would figure out what was wrong with me so I could move on to managing everything. I now have to go back to the doctor on Thursday to see if he has any other ideas about what could be wrong with me. I feel so hopeless right now. What if they never figure out what is wrong with me? What if I have to spend the rest of my life being dizzy, nauseous and having diahrrea off and on? What about having headaches almost everyday? Or the increasing amount of migraines I am getting? What about the weight I am losing because I never want to eat? Or how my work is suffering because I can't concentrate?

Do I have to deal with this on Christmas and my birthday? Am I going to have to worry about this when I get married? When I have kids? I just don't know what to do.

I have become so depressed. I never go out anymore. After work I go home, shower and lay on the couch all night long. It is affecting my friendships, my job, my relationship with JJ...everything.

I know that I just need some time to vent and let out my frustrations and fear. Soon, I will gather my strength again and keep going. I will get through this. I will get through this. I can do this. I can.

2 comments:

ZooKeeper said...

Of course it could be anything but...those are some of the symptoms I had before getting on anti-anxiety meds.

I hope you get it all figured out and get to be feeling good soon.

Jenn @ thatpsychofamily.com said...

Becs - I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so badly. if in your gut you feel that something isn't right with you, MAKE the doctor keep looking. If he gives up, find another doctor. I truly believe that we know when something is wrong with ourselves. I hope that you find some peace and answers soon.