Tuesday, January 27, 2009

More Doctors visits

The last time I went to the doctor, he wanted me to start keeping a journal of all my symptoms for a month. Last week, I went back to see him and give him my journal. We talked a while about how I had been feeling and then I started crying (which was incredibly embarrassing). I told him how I was starting to lose hope that I would ever feel like myself again. I missed feeling normal! I also told him that even though I am thrilled to be marrying my fiance, I just can't get excited about the wedding. I know that I will be nervous on my wedding day. Lately, every time I get nervous, I get REALLY nauseous. I mean unbearably nauseous. Sometimes I will have bad diarrhea also. I can't help but wonder if my wedding day will be ruined by feeling sick.

He told me that I needed to go back on birth control because it could be a hormonal imbalance. He also wrote me a prescription for an antidepressant called Elavil. I think he was hoping that it would help me cope with everything a little better and to bring some hope back into my life. I started taking it last Thursday night and I HATE it. It is awful (for me! I am sure there are some people that do great on this drug). I have been much more dizzy and nauseous than normal and I feel like a zombie. I keep having moments where I start to panic for no reason. I am ten times more depressed than I was before the medication. Yesterday, I called in sick to work. I am getting over a cold and didn't feel that great but the reason I called in sick was because I just didn't want to go to work. I just wanted to lay around the house all day. That is NOT like me AT ALL. It really scared me because I felt like I couldn't control my thoughts and I was going crazy.

I called today and asked if I can stop taking Elavil. My doctor wanted to write me another prescription or to decrease the dosage but I refused. The antidepressant was supposed to help me cope with everything but it was just making me worse. I think I can cope better if I go see a therapist instead. I know that if I can just start to feel better, the depression will go away. I want my physician to focus on the health problems I am having and for a therapist to help me cope while I wait. I would give anything to just feel normal again!


Gooseberried said...

Hopefully, by the time wedding comes, you'll be all back to your regular self. Maybe the birth control will help?

Haley said...

Hi Becs!
Sorry I haven't signed your blog in forever. We don't have internet @ my apartment and anything that is considered social networking gets blocked by the server at work. I'm sorry that you haven't been feeling well. I was under a similar cloud last summer, and it was determined to be caused by a medicine. As soon as I stopped taking it, the sun began to shine a little more each day. Hopefully you will get some sun very soon. Oh, and p.s. congrats on the engagement! I totally missed that post! I hope this week is a good one,

Becs said...

I hope you find something that will work for you. It isn't easy, but life is so much better once you do. I've taken Prozac and then had the "Prozac Poop-Out" (yes, that's a medical term). It just stops working. Then the fun begins again. Several of my friends have had unpleasant reactions to various anti-depressants.

It cracks me up when doctors tell me that it could take 4 - 6 weeks for a drug to take effect. Ha!

- The Other Becs