Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Little Fingers and Toes

My really good friend and coworker had her first baby yesterday evening. I wrote about her struggles in a previous post (She is Leslie in that post). Given all that she has been through, I was so relieved to hear she had a healthy baby yesterday. She is one of the most giving and kind people I know and she deserves a healthy baby. I cried so hard when I found out she finally delivered last night because I have never been happier for someone else than I am for her.

Today over lunch, another coworker and I went to visit her in the hospital. I was nervous to see her because I despise hospitals and because I just don’t have a lot of experience with newborns. When we go to the room, her little boy was not there because he was getting checked by the doctors. We sat and talked to my friend and her husband and she looked great, even though she said she was tired and sore.

A few minutes later, the baby was wheeled into the room and everything changed. I was in complete awe of this little tiny thing making strange noises and faces. His father picked him up for a while and then handed him to my coworker. I knew I would get a chance to hold him next and I was terrified. What if I dropped him? What if I held him wrong and he woke up and cried?

My coworker turned to me and asked me if I wanted to hold him. I nodded my head and concentrated on holding him correctly. I could feel myself shaking from the nerves. Once he was in my arms, the nerves were gone and I just stared. My nose filled with the new baby smell and I couldn’t stop staring at him. I have never seen anything so perfect. His little ears, fingers, fingernails, nose, eyelashes, everything was perfect!

The rest of this afternoon, I have struggled to think of anything other than that baby. I can still smell him on my clothes. I can still see his perfect little face in my mind. Yesterday, I would have told you I wanted a baby more than anything in the world. Today, I couldn’t tell you anything without tears falling. To say that I want a baby is a huge understatement.