Monday, March 31, 2008

Weird Ass Wedding

I went to a wedding this weekend and there is only one word that can describe it (well in addition to "weird" which I already used): BIZARRE.

This shouldn't really have surprised me since I went to my uncle's ex-wive's wedding to her new husband. It was in this "members only" resteraunt that her new husband owns. It was supposed to be a casual wedding but it seemed more like a really fancy wedding trying to impersonate a casual, fun wedding. People were drinking during the reception which I found to be truly odd and there was this one couple that kept busting out laughing through the entire ceremony. I was seriously getting close to grabbing their beer bottles and smashing them over the head with them. It's wedding people, not Nascar!

Then we all headed upstairs to eat. It was supposed to be this buffet that was spread out through 4 little rooms. Well only one room had food so everyone proceeded to cram themselves into this one little room. There was also no where to sit. It was only when we heard music coming from downstairs did we realize that there were a bunch of tables and more food on the lower level (unfortuantely it was not until we were done akwardly eating while standing that we discovered this).

One humourous moment was when me and my wonderful boyfriend went over to the chocolate fondue fountain (oh HELL YEAH!!!). I immediately starting dipping some strawberries in and shoving them into my mouth. I was in such a hurry that I let one slip off of the wooden stick and it splashed chocolate all over my neck. You should have seen my boyfriend's face when I said "Honey, is there chocolate on my neck?" Especially when he looked and there was, in fact, chocolate all over my neck.

We went downstairs and could not help oogling at all the women with fake boobs. Most of these women were fake-tanned (trust me I could tell) and dressed in very expensive clothes (trust me I could tell). They also had had a ton of work done, besides the boobs (once again I can tell these things). Apparently some of the "members" had shown up to suck up to the owner that was getting married. The owner was a Latino retired boxer so his family consisted of overweight women in very drab dresses. Needless to say, it was a very "interesting" mix of guests.

We then found some little cakes and proceeded to dig into those as well. The bride came around the corner and holy crap, can you say bridezilla!? She says, "Those cakes were supposed to be RED not BROWN! They look like TURDS!" Then she said, "My bustle is coming undone. Someone get my sister NOW!" I turned to my boyfriend with fear in my eyes. Just eat and avoid eye contact with her! Isn't marriage supposed to be fun and exciting? Apprantely not.

We did not dance even though I was determined to get one slow dance with my boyfriend. We didn't know anyone there and by 9:00 we were so uncomfortable we just had to get out of there. Luckily, my boyfriend is unbelievably romantic. He took me to his room and put on some music. He took my hand and gave me that slow dance I wanted so badly.

All together now.... AWWWW!


el moco said...

that's actually better than a wedding i went to in mexico about 4 years ago. it was some kind of reverse think that i guess is the custom there. the reception was FIRST, (with a huge band, full recepion with food and a shitload of liquor....bad idea...) and after everyone got shitfaced, we went to the ceremony.

a CHURCH ceremony.

needless to say, it's the only time i ever had to take care of my drunk mom and catching her puke in a bucket.

fun times.....

I Want For What Never Was said...

OK, weddings are insane anyway. And let me tell you, from a former bride's perspective: when you've spent months trying to make everything perfect (because EVERYONE is pressuring you to make everything "yours" because it's "your day!"), and something goes wrong, no matter how laid back you are, you are gonna lose your shit. As a matter of fact, you've inspired me to post!

BTW, the slow dance bit? Classy. You're a lucky girl!